


Heartbreak

by WaywardDork



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Bad Writing, Boys Kissing, Castiel & Charlie Bradbury Friendship, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Dean Winchester, I Don't Even Know, I Was Drunk When I Wrote This, M/M, Painting, This Is STUPID, Typos, What Was I Thinking?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-15
Updated: 2018-09-15
Packaged: 2019-07-12 17:35:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 30,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16000055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WaywardDork/pseuds/WaywardDork
Summary: Castiel Novak hates Dean winchester with passion, every things he says, every pickup line he pulls and every prank he plays, makes Castiel hate the football captain more. and it would be okay really seeing as Castiel is  good at avoiding people if not for the fact that it seems Winchester is convinced that he can get in Castiel's pants ever since Castiel stepped foot in Lawrence High,and thus made it his mission. Well if that's the case, then Nope not happening on Castiel's watch.But when Castiel's beloved sister gets her heart broken by the heartthrob that is the ever hated Dean Winchester, Castiel has his mind set one revenge.And not the kind of revenge you'd expect from a big brother who's sister got dumped. No Castiel wants Winchester to go through the same kind of pain  his poor sister went through.He's going to tear his heart to pieces.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> If you hate bad writing and typos DON'T READ THIS because that's basically more than half of the story. But it is also the first thing I wrote and it holds a special place in my heart, so I want to share it. Also I am big fan of constructive critism and it's always welcome but this is an old work and I am aware of the many mistakes in it, so it will be useless to critisize this one.
> 
> Updates everyday.

Hey Novak!'

Castiel was pretty sure he was mentally going to burn a hole through his locker, today's day was going bad enough without a certain Winchester harassing him, that it self was actually common enough if he was being honest with himself but that didn't make it any less torturous.

Gritting his teeth he managed as calmly as possible 'What do you want Winchester?'. He was pretty sure the whole school knew the answer to that question but that's the only thing he could manage besides 'Go screw yourself' at the moment but seeing as it was not in Castiel's nature to curse, he tried his best to avoid it.

'Just one question' Winchester came into view folding his arms and leaning against the bright red locker, facing Castiel.

Castiel would be the last one to admit it but there was no denying that Winchester was pretty hot. With short dirty blond hair that stood up in spikes, and a spray of freckles across his nose. He had a an athletic frame stoic but lean from years of playing football. Oh he also had bright green eyes, not that Castiel paid attention to these things.

Castiel mentally ran through all the inappropriate questions Winchester hadn't asked him yet, there weren't many really.

Castiel slamed his locker shut, he considered walking away but he really didn't want Winchester following him to his class so he said curtly.'Go on'

Winchester seemed pleased to be given the opportunity to speak. 'kiss me if I'm wrong but dinosaurs still exist, right?' He said it in that annoying charming voice he reserved for pick up lines he had spent time practicing.

Castiel fumed, he would actually be surprised if smoke wasn't coming out of his years. Two years of this torture and Winchester hadn't given up. Castiel was pretty sure this was some game for him. To get into the one person's pants who would deny him no matter what. Why else out of all people at the school Winchester had decided to torment him constantly? but after two years of this even Castiel was getting a bit confused, whatever he reasoned, he must be a stubborn spastic.

'I's rather kiss a morbid cow,thanks.' Castiel said rolling his eyes.

Winchester seemed a bit surprised at the snarky comeback, but quickly replaced it with his trademark smirk.

'Your comebacks never fail to disappoint me Cas' Castiel hated it when Dean used that nickname, in his opinion nicknames were something only a person of close relation were allowed to use, and hearing Dean say it like him and Castiel had been best buddies since the beginning of time was annoying as hell.

'Tell me Winchester, why one earth would you not leave me alone, haven't I made my dislike for you clear enough?' he asked in a heated voice.

'Because I want you to go out with me' Winchester's tone was simple as if that was the most common thing in the world, well actually it was but still.

Castiel was about to hit him with a comeback that will destroy the other boy's will to live but at that moment the bell rang.

'Screw you Winchester' no cussing rules be damned he had had enough of this crap.

As he turned away and began to make his way towards a certain red head in a Harry Potter shirt he heard Winchester say:

'I wish'.

***

'Was that Dean Winchester I saw you with?' Charlie said when Castiel approached her.

'Good morning to you too'

Charlie huffed, annoyed at not having Castiel's attention on the matter she thought important. Charlie had been his best friend since he started here, he actually didn't remember how they ended up being best friends. they didn't have much in common, Charlie was the definition of 'nerd' or 'Geek' or 'fangirl' , she was all about obsessing about movies,books...and you get the idea. But she was also smart like scary smart, she was the best damn hacker in the school, or the particular part of town, considering her age, that was something. But the thing Castiel liked about her the most was her optimistic behavior, she had a way of making him smile when he was having a bad day, her smile was infectious, she almost radiated happiness(and rainbows)

'C'mon Cas you gotta admit he's pretty hot' Charlie exclaimed as they made their way to their first class.

'He's changing your sexuality now? Castiel raised an eyebrow, he knew what he had just said was pointless, but he was desperate for a change of subject.

'Puh-leez, just because I'm not sexually attracted to shoes doesn't mean I can't tell which one's pretty and let me tell you that Winchester is one fine piece of shoe-ass'

'We have been over this Charlie, I am not getting romantically involved with that imbecile!' Castiel said a bit too loudly, a girl passing by gave him a look. He got those often, the girls in this school practically threw themselves Winchester, even though they knew that Winchester probably won't remember their name in the morning. But since Castiel was the one person to keep his attention for more than a few weeks, the female population probably accused him of witch craft, they didn't even bother hiding their dislike!

'Your loss buddy' Charlie shrugged. 'Anyways Lisa braedon's throwing a party and no I'm not gonna ask you to attend' she says suddenly noticing Castiel's glare.

The last time they had attended a party, it had ended in catastrophe, something involving Castiel, a baseball bat and a certain Winchester in drunken state(it actually had something to do with the fact that Castiel was quite drunk himself but they don't talk about that), Dean had apologized later on(various times actually) saying that he had had a lot of drink and Castiel's lips looked blah blah blah,not the topic of importance, the thing was Castiel hated those parties even without the drunk Winchester/baseball bat/possibly drunk Castiel fiascos(even though not one party went without a fiasco involving Winchester).

'Relax I'm not going either, how about we have a Harry potter marathon at your place today?'

'Yes sure, but why did you mention the party then?'

'Well jus' making sure, if you were going, I wouldn't have missed it for the world, her parties are amazeballs' 

They reached the class, Maths and took their usual seats in the very back. They were both amazing at this subject so they didn't pay attention most of the time and the teacher was never paying attention so.

'Well I am indeed not, Anna might'.

'Duh, she's not socially awkward, unlike somebody'. Charlie poked Castiel in the forearm with a pencil.

'We've been over this too Charlie'

'Well you can't deny it! you talk like you memorized a history textbook Cas! I'm telling you, we can never have enough talks about your weirdness'

'Says the girl who lip syncs every star wars movie'

'hOw DAre yOU' Charlie spat. 

The conversation went back to their usual banter after that.

English. The one class in which Castiel had to keep from committing homicide.

In other words the class he shared with Dean Winchester.

The moment he entered the class he felt it, Winchester's eyes on him, which a moment later have him the usual wink which Castiel never failed to return with a scowl, aside from that Castiel noticed that Winchester looked pretty happy today, not that Castiel usually paid attention but Winchester seemed to be radiating cheerfulness.

Then he saw, shit there was only one empty seat in the very back, and just his luck. It was with the one and only...Dean Winchester.

Dammit! he knew he shouldn't have stopped to chat with Balthazar on his way to class.

Stiffing the urge to groan he made his way towards the seat.

Winchester grinned at him, teeth and all. Castiel gave him his best if-you-open-you-mouth-I'm gonna-pull-out-your-organs-through-your-nose look, Winchester only grinned wider.

Castiel set his books on the table and sat down trying his best to ignore the boy sitting next to him.

'Hey Cas-'

'No'

Before that educational conversation could get anywhere though, a teacher came in, not there regular though.

Castiel thought he looked kind of drunk and ready to fall asleep.

Which is exactly what he did after telling them to read Othello Shakespeare. Welp an hour with Winchester and nothing to do except avoiding cheap pick up lines.

Castiel got out his copy and tried his at most to concentrate, waiting for the pickup line to come.

'Don't bite your lip, I want to do that' and there it is. Castiel hadn't even realized he's been biting his lip!

Castiel took a deep breath,trying to calm down. This was everyday crap. He could handle this shit.

'Dean I need to concentrate right now and I would really appreciate if you don't disturb me.' he said through gritted teeth, forcing himself to look at Winchester in the eye.

Winchester was looking at him with a weird expression, as if in a trance, a lazy smile pulled at his lips.

'You called me Dean' he said with the same in-trance expression, his face resting in his palm.

'and..?' 

'You usually call me Winchester'

'Anndd...?' Castiel asked even though he though he knew where this was going.

'First name basis generally mean more understanding between two people' Winchester leaned back looking at Castiel with a smug expression.

'If you didn't want me to call you Winchester you should've just asked.'

'Really?' Winchester said raising his eyebrows, hopeful.

'I would've chosen to call you dumbass sooner.' Castiel raised his chin a bit, proud of the comeback.

Winchester chuckled.

'Whats so funny?'

'It's just...you don't usually cuss you know' Winchester looked at him with amusement.

'I was not aware that using the description of a person while refering to them was identified as cussing.'

Winchester's smile widened. 'Stop that.'

'Stop what?' 

'Saying things that make me want to kiss you'.

Castiel refrained from hitting his head against the desk. Aside from it taking his anger off, it might even be helpful hiding his blush stay calm, but instead he asked:

'Why on earth would me insulting you, would cause you arousal?' 

'It's the way you talk, it's kinda like Spock but 1000 times more endearing.'He shrugged.

That left Castiel a bit shocked, he had been pointed out as weird for having the vocabulary of a highly intelligent adult but that's that not the phrase people used while describing it, the words he got were 'strange,weird,freaky,stupid(and some other choice words) 'endearing' never being one. To be honest Castiel was kind of flattered and pleased at the fact that Winchester had used a better compliment than 'sexy' or 'great ass' this time so the only that came to mind was a quite: 'Thanks'.

Winchester looked at him with a smile that could've lightened up half of the continent.

'So, Cas' he said after a moment.

'I am trying to read here' Castiel warned, he was not eager to start a conversation with Winchester even after their friendly exchange(sort of) from seconds ago. No he was aware that any conversation with Winchester would end with him bearing sexual harassment.

'C'mon it's not like you haven't read this before! he complained.

'Well it's-hold on a minute, how do you know I have read this before?'

Was it his imagination or was Dean friggin' Winchester blushing?

'I-I uh.....'He swallowed.

'Have you-have you been stalking me?' Castiel didn't know what to do with this information, on one hand he was extremely pissed on other hand he was quite shocked that Dean would stalk someone, he was an straight forward person, a bit too straight forward for Castiel's liking.

'I wasn't stalking you!' oh yeah he was definitely blushing,s some part of Castiel's brain registered that Dean looked really cute while blushing but he was good at ignoring that part.

'Then what were you doing, hmm?' Castiel stiffed the urge to laugh at Dean's embarrassment.

'I was..it was...it wasn't intentional...'

'Creep' Castiel said but it was half-hearted, Dean seemed to notice that too, a smile began to stretch at his lips.

'Can you blame me?'

Castiel didn't answer as he knew the answer would lead to a pick-up line.

'Well I might have read the book but you haven't so I suggest you continue'.

'I have actually'

'Really?, you know what a book is?

Dean rolled his eyes. 'I'm not much of a Shakespeare person though, to be honest'.

'You're kidding me?' he didn't know why he expected Winchester to like something as tasteful a Shakespeare but he couldn't resist defending the writer, now could he?

'It's kinda, meh I don't know, boring?, I did like Romeo and Juliet though.' Dean shrugged.

'Yes it was quite exceptional, but I don't think people truly understand the concept'

'What's that suppose to mean?.'

Castiel turned to face Dean completely, forgetting that he wasn't supposed to talk to him.

Winchester seemed surprised by Castiel's change of mood but didn't comment which Castiel was grateful for.

'People assume that Romeo and Juliet signifies True Love correct?well I personally think it signifies the stupidity of youth, that how dangerous shallow lust can be, Romeo and Juliet weren't in love, they thought they were in love........'

And that was the story of how Castiel ended up rambling about his theories with Winchester, it was a weird habit of his, once he started talking like this there was no stopping it. His siblings shut him off about it. Charlie listened but she would start rambles of her own. But as Dean din't stop him, he couldn't on his own.

It was thirty minutes before Castiel realized who he was talking to, and he stopped halfway through a rant about The Merchant of Venice.

'...and well that's all I have to say...' He said feeling his face heat up.

'Hmm...?' Dean said lazily, he looked as he was in a trance, smiling at Castiel.

'Dean did you even listen to a word I said?'

'I..uh..of course I did!' he said sitting up straight.

Castiel shook his head. 'You are the single-' The bell rang.

Castiel stood up, his back tad bit sour from sitting in one position for long.

Winchester also stood up.

'You could've told me you know.' Castiel said, it was kinda bugging him.

'Told you what?'

'To stop talking'

'Why would I do that?' Winchester seemed genuinely puzzled.

'Could've saved you 30 minutes of listening to useless theories you don't care about.' castiel shrugged, sheepishly.

'What? are you serious?Listen Cas, I really love listening to you, I friggin'love the way you talk, how you move your hands when you are explaining something complex, and get this passionate look in your eyes and....okay I'll stop, but don't you ever think that I find your opinions useless' Winchester seemed so sincere that for a moment Castiel actually thought that he wasn't just complimenting him for the sake of getting in his pants.

'Okay, thanks I guess, I'm very glad you enjoy listening to me even though you aren't paying attention.' at some point they had exited the class room and were now standing in the hallway.

'Hey it's not my fault you're so insanely attractive, it's seriously distracting' Winchester winked.

'You have to ruin a perfectly good moment with for the sake of using a pick up line you've spent time practicing.'

'I'm being honest'. He looked him in the eye and pointed a finger at Castiel's chest. 'You Castiel Novak are criminally hot.'

Castiel rolled his eyes but couldn't keep a smile from forming at his mouth.'See you around Winchester' he said before heading for his next class.

***

'He smiled at me' Dean said dumbstruck watching Castiel go. 'How am I supposed to get over him now?'

Benny sighed, he was getting really concerned about Dean's mental health.  
'Brother you are so screwed'.


	2. Chapter 2

Castiel went home and flopped down on his bed, picking up his phone.

Charlie:be thre at seven, see ya

Castiel picked up the book he was reading last night from the night stand To Kill A Mocking Bird not the best he's read but once you pick up a book it's your responsibility to finish it.

He was still avoiding to think about the conversation he had had with De-Winchester today, that was the most close he'd got with him for two years. He didn't want to think much of it. They'd sat together, Castiel had found out that Winchester sometimes stalked him, Castiel had told Winchester about his opinions on Shakespeare and then Winchester had ruined everything with a pick up like, yup that's it. It did NOT change anything. Castiel still hated Winchester. He did.

His only fear was what Winchester would make of it, will he think something had changed, he probably will, but Castiel wasn't afraid to put him back in the line and convince him that nothing had changed.

He looked around the room, the quite was deafening. Their dad, Carver Edlund, or Chuck was away on a business trip, the twins, Michael and Lucifer were away at college, Gabriel was at the Sweets Shop and Anna was at a friends house.

 Castiel's room was quite awesome but plain, it was incredibly big, and had white walls, a big T.V, a couch, a dressing, a closet and king size bed and a lot of book shelves. It gave an air of calmness which Castiel loved.

He was about to go back to reading when the door burst open revealing an incredibly excited looking Anna.

'Hey, Cas' she walked to him and stooped down to hug him, out of all his siblings he loved Anna the most, even though she was only one year younger than him, he was very protective of his baby sister, she was always there to brighten his mood, and always asked for her big brother's advice on everything. Anna was a very sweet girl, incredibly outgoing. She was smart but incredibly emotional, and open about her feelings, unlike Castiel himself.

'Hello, Anna' he said as she sat on the edge of his bed looking like she was about to burst with excitement.

'Let me guess, you are going to the party?'

'Yes!' She said as if the fact made jer life 100 times better. She made her way towards his bed and started talking about the cloths she was wearing, the look, her friends...and you get the idea.

Castiel loved that about her, she shared every piece of information with him, no matter how random or how secret. He was a good listener and always focused on what she was saying, even when she was talking about something as uninteresting as shopping.

Anna was just telling him that her friend Meg(who for some reason was on the same mission as Dean) was wearing to the party tonight when he got the text from Charlie.

Charlie: here. Come welcome your queen handmaiden.

Castiel got up from the bed. 'Listen, Anna Charlie is here and I sincerely hope you enjoy your party, I should go.'

'Hmm-mm' Anna was now lying on Castiel's former place and typing away on her phone furiously.

Castiel reached the main door and held it open for Charlie, who was sporting a handbag.

'You are planing on staying the night, I presume?'

'Damn right' she threw her bag at Castiel. 'You got something to eat or what?'

'Of course, priorities' Castiel closed the door. 

'So I was thinking y'know that Captain and Bucky are an AWESOME ship, but when it come to AU I have to say that Tony and Steve is better because of the whole enemies to lovers thing, don't you think? ......' their walk to the T.V lounge consisted of Charlie telling Castiel exactly why she thought Stucky and Stony was tie.

They sat down, Castiel went to get some snacks he came back to Anna and Charlie talking good naturedly.

Anna beamed when she saw Castiel, like she always did. 'Cas I'm gonna be on my way now, I'm stopping at Meg's for a while then we'll head there together' she was wearing a tight red party dress, her make-up was undone as she was going to get 'fully-ready' at Meg's.

'Okay, be careful and don't drink too much alcohol'

Anna giggled and hugged Castiel before she left.

Castiel set the food and and drinks on the coffee table and settled himself on the couch.

'She likes him y'know'' Charlie said as she turned on the first Harry Potter movie, the Warner Bros logo came into view.

'Who?' 

'Dean'

'What?!' Castiel almost choked on his soda.

'It's pretty obvious, Cas and having a crush on Dean is sort of like a stage for a Lawrence High girl' Charlie said snatching the soda from Cas's hand and taking a long sip.

'Yes, but I really don't want Anna to get involved with Winchester.'

'Relax, she's a smart cookie, she will understand if Winchester's only after her for fun, she wont take it seriously Cas.'

'Yes but that does NOT mean I want Winchester using my sister' Castiel was aware that Winchester was the type of person to sleep with just about anybody. But for some reason the idea of him and his sister was completely absurd.

'Nah, he wont go after your sister when he's balls hard on you'

'Yet that doesn't stop him from sleeping with half of the population of the school.'

'C'mon he'd stop if you say yes!' Charlie smacked her hand on Castiel hair, jokingly.

'How many times do I have to tell you? Winchester only torments me because I say no, he just wants the a trophy labelled 'Banged Castiel the prude' and that is not happening.'

'Why do you hate him so much?'

'How many reasons do you want, he is ignorant, he is arrogant and I am pretty sure he doesn't even know what modesty means I could go on forever Charlie but the point is I hate him.'

'Okay Okay I get it' Charlie focused her attention back on the screen where Harry was about to be sorted.

They finished the first and second movie, criticizing every thing that differed from the books. Nerds.

Halfway through the third movie Charlie asked.

'Hey did you notice Winchester seemed especially happy today?'

Castiel internally groaned, he had been hoping to avoid telling Chalie about English class.

'I don't know,did he?' Castiel resolved to keep it from Charlie for as long as possible.

'He was like, skipping steps and shit.' 

'Well I don't know if that's the reason but him and I sat next to each other in English'.

'WHAT?!' Charlie said sitting up straight.'And you forgot to mention that?' 

'Nothing happened Charlie'.

'Details' Charlie looked him dead in the eye with a look saying: spill

So Castiel did. Carefully avoiding bits like how he had felt when Dean complimented his vocabulary and how he had said 'see you around' to him, it did not mean anything he told himself firmly, then why did it feel like it did? why did it feel like Winchester was being honest when he'd said that he loved to listen to Castiel? why did Castiel feel pleased at the fact that Winchester didn't think his vocabulary wasn't strange or weird? he shook himself out of his thoughts, he was being stupid.

'Wow' Charlie grinned.'That's like the closest you'd gotten in..like two years.'

'It was nothing Charlie, it doesn't change anything'

'For you it probably doesn't, but Winchester seems over the moon',

'He probably thinks he is on step ahead'

'you bet'

They went back to watching the movie.

At some point during The Order Pheonix, Gabriel entered the hall and dropped a plastic bag on the coffee table, filled with goodies from the shop.

'hOw dARE YoU wATCH HaRRy pOTTER wITHouT mE!?'

'And they call me Drama queen' Charlie muttered.

And that's how they ended up with Gabriel on the foot of the couch arguing with Charlie about Drarry, while Castiel happily munched on candy.

***

Castiel woke up to the sound of the main door opening and slamming shut, the sound of high heels clucking on the marble floor.

Anna.

Castiel got up, careful not to wake Charlie, they had fallen asleep on the couch and Gabe ahd draped a blanket over them, Castiel smiled at his big brother's thoughtfulness.

'Anna?' Castiel's voice was deep and sleep tinged.

 'Hey I'm home'She smiled, her voice was tiny bit tipsy. She looked sober than Castiel had expected her to be.

'I'll fix you something to eat' Castiel turned around and was about to head to the kitchen when he felt a hand on his wrist.

'Can I talk to you for a sec?' she sounded nervous, her hand played with the hem of her skirt.

'Of cours-' NO YOU DIDN'T UMBRIDGE!' Charlie kicked at air in her sleep.

Castiel signed.'Hold on a minute'.

Anna nodded in understanding. Castiel went over to the couch where Charlie was snoring loudly.

'Charlie-DONT YOU DARE BADMOUTH ME JEDI!' She kicked Castiel square in the ribs causing him to stumble a little.

'Charlie, wake up' he nudged her, rubbing at his ribs which seemed a bit cracked.

When she still didn't get up he used the only option he had left. He tickled at her stomach.

'Wha-oh oh HAHAHA STOP IT STOP!' Charlie put her arms in front of her stomach.

'It's 12 'o clock Charles, lets get you to bed'.

Grumbling, charlie reluctantly went up to his room.

'I'll be up in a minute' he called to her. He turned to Anna.

'What were you saying?' he asked, his voice tinged with concern.

Anna fidgeted and Castiel was reminded of 8 year old Anna telling him she accidentally ate all the candy.

'Look, Cas I..I didn't..I wasn't...' Anna was avoiding making eye contact, which wasn't like her at all.

'Anna please tell me what's wrong?' Castiel was getting seriously concerned now, it wasn't like Anna to hesitate this much while sharing something with him.

She looked him in the eye and took a deep breath and said. 'I kissed Dean.'


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gahh going through this is making me cringe so damn hard, seriously what on earth was I thinking? but it also brings back fond memories which I didn't know would ever matter again. Anyway hope you like this utter mess of a chapter and YES the characters ARE out of character and there are a lot of typos and the writing is sucky at best. But other than that, I guess this story isn't so bad(understatement) where was I going with this? yeah hope you can bare this one.

What?' for a second Castiel thought that he hadn't heard correctly, this shred of hope was taken away from him when Anna continued.

'He-he approached me and started talking, and the next thing I know, we're kissing, like really hard and then I said I had to go' she wrung her hands, not making eye contact.

Castiel felt red hot fury fly through him. Winchester was such a douche, messing around with everybody and anybody, who did he think he he was? Castiel couldn't believe how utterly disgusting the guy was, when he had flirted with Castiel and messed around with everybody Castiel hadn't cared, why should he anyway? but this was his sister, his amazing sister, did Winchester think he could get in her pants and leave her heartbroken? well of course he did, because he was a lying, cheating, _fucking_ arrogant-

'He seemed really nice' Anna shook him out of his thoughts. 'I think I like him, I am gonna ask him out tomorrow I just wanted to know if you were okay-'

'Anna' Castiel said trying to swallow his anger. ' Winchester is a-an _asshole_ , you should know that, he's just using you, he probably wont remember your name -'

'How do you know that' the nervousness in her tone was replaced by anger now, and Castiel realized that she had probably expected her big brother to be happy for her, to encourage her to approach Winchester, a part of him felt horrible but he knew he wasn't wrong, Winchester was not right for Anna, for anybody, he wasn't going to sit by and watch while that imbecile broke his sister's heart. She deserved so much better.

'Anna your my sister and I love you and I'm trying to give a good advice to you here, it-'

'Well I don't want your advice! she snapped at him.'All my life you've acted like you have a control over me or something! and I've listened, always have but for once in your life, can't you just be happy for me? or-or are you just pissed that Winchester would choose me over you?! she stormed off, heels clucking loudly.

Castiel stood there, stunned. Then the impact of what had happened hit him.

Anna didn't need his help on fucking everything. She could take care of herself. It was her life, her choice, she didn't need Castiel to tell her who she should and shouldn't date.

He felt empty, all his life he's felt as if Anna wanted him to be with her every step along the way, and _God_ that had been the high light of his life. She's just being stupid he reasoned, a rational part of him knew he was right. But that didn't stop the hurt he Anna's words had brought.

He almost felt like crying.

He lay awake that night.

Replaying Anna's words and being hurt every single time and to find a way to stop her from approaching Winchester tomorrow.

After what happened in English class, a small part of Castiel had hoped that maybe just maybe Winchester wasn't all bad, he couldn't do anything to stop that thought at the time. Now he knew. God what a sick grade-A dickbag.

Castiel wanted so badly to gut his stomach right now.

* * *

 

The next day, Anna left for school without him, their home was a walk away from school but they always walked together.

Castiel had been planning to apologize and somehow stop her from asking Dean out, but seeing as she had already left, there was no stopping it now, his only hope was that Anna would somehow come to her senses and realize that Castiel was right.

The walk to the school consisted of Charlie telling him dramione theories, which he usually payed attention to but he just had a lot on his mind today.

'Hey, earth to Castiel' Charlie waved a hand in his face. 'You okay dude?' her voice was concerned.

'What?yeah I'm fine' he put on a fake smile which Charlie saw straight through.

'You really expect me to believe that?' she stopped, facing him.

Castiel signed, he knew there was no denying Charlie information.

'I'll tell you on the way' Castiel mumbled.

'Look, Cas I know you're really upset and all but it was bound to happen.' Charlie said after he'd told her what happened.

'Well just because it was bound to happen doesn't mean Winchester should get away with it'. Castiel said heatedly.

'Who knows?maybe Dean will say yes?' Charlie's tone was nonchalant.

'Do you want him to say yes? Castiel's voice was loud now and a few people were starting to stare.

'I'm not saying I _want_ him to do anything' Charlie said, her tone more tender now, sensing Castiel's anger.'Look maybe...this can be a good thing, like...I don't know, if Dean rejects her maybe it will be a good lesson for her....Cas even you can't deny that Anna is very naive!' her words were jumbled and nervous now.

Castiel was glaring daggers at her. He couldn't believe that Charlie, the one person he'd expected to agree with him was saying that.

They had reached the school and were inside now.

'Well, guess I'll see you in Maths' Castiel glowered, his voice cold. Charlie was his best friend but she didn't get to talk about Anna like that, as if Winchester using her might be good thing. Yes Anna could be naive at times but that didn't mean Winchester should dump her, for her to learn _fucking lessons._

'Cas, wait I didn't mean....'

Castiel had enough, he stormed away without looking back.

***

Castiel tried his best to find Anna, in his heart he knew it was vain. And he was also busy, what with trying to avoid Charlie and not bumping into Winchester. It was hopeless.

Charlie had saved him a seat in Maths but he sat at the far corner, with a girl named April, who was for some reason very interested in knowing everything about Castiel. 

He thought maybe he should skip lunch, he was about to when he felt a hand on his arm.

Charlie.

She looked downcast and desperate. 'Cas I-I'm so sorry, I was so stupid ...you were right...please don't-don't  de-friend me...Cas...it was my fault' she looked about ready to cry.

Castiel felt horrible, all their time together, they had never actually had this much of a fight. He realized how much of a douche he'd acted like.He had become over protective of Anna. He'd almost lost his amazing friend.

Castiel didn't know what else to do, he wasn't much of a physical person but he pulled Charlie into a hug.

She let out a sign of relief.

'God, I'm so sorry Charles, I didn't mean to hurt you...you're the best friend I'd ever had...'

'So you're not...de-friending me?' her voice was a bit muffled by Castiel's thin sweater vest.

'No, never...' Castiel smiled.

**Some time later**

'So you're telling me that Snape, after all he did was a hero?'

I'm not implying that he was a hero, I'm just saying that-'

'He's a dickbag Cas, and having hots for Harry's mother doesn't change-'

'He is a complex character, who-'

'He treated his students like shit!, he'll-

'Will you let me finish?'

'If it weren't for Lily He never would've left Deatheater-'

'Castiel, can I talk to you for a sec?' Someone had approached their table, Anna.

Her eyes were bloodshot and her make-up a little ruined, she looked devastated.

'What is it?' Castiel jumped out of his chair at once.

Anna took a breath. 'I need to talk to you' her voice was strangled, it set tendrils of worry shooting through Castiel.

'Anna just tell me what's wrong?' Even though he had a pretty good idea what was wrong.

Anna looked over at Charlie, who was watching them with surprise and worry etched across her features. 'In private?' Anna suggested.

'Right, of course take your time' Charlie's looked at her plate of pasta as if it were the most interesting thing in the world.

Anna led him away from the cafeteria to an empty class room, as soon as they were in she hugged him tight and sobbed in his shoulder.

'You-you were ri-right, I..I should've lis-listened..to you' her words came out jumbled and she was hiccuping uncontrollably.

'Hey, hey it's okay' he rubbed her back gently. So not okay

Seeing Anna cry like this, he wanted to cry too. All his life his sister had looked up to him and he had always taken her responsibility, defended her actions. Now she was hurt and crying in his arms and he couldn't do anything about it, he felt to hopeless in that moment.

He gently pulled away and held her. 'Tell me what happened' He had a pretty good idea of what had happened but he figured talking about it might help.

'I-I asked him out and..and he said that-that it was a mis-mistake, he-he rejected me C-Cas, I should've listened to y-you' she hugged him again.

Castiel felt a wave of melancholy wash over him, Anna didn't deserve this, she was the most kindest human being in existence, she didn't deserve to cry like this, to feel that she wasn't good enough.

'Anna, listen we'll get you home okay?' 

'I-I really like him Cas...is there-is there something wrong with me?-why did-'

'Anna don't think of yourself like that, C'mon lets go to the office you can call in sick'

* * *

 

Castiel couldn't pay attention to class that day, physics went by and he didn't even copy his notes, choosing instead to stare out of the window.

Before he could tell Charlie what was going on lunch had ended. He was planning to via text, he wondered what Charlie would think of Winchester now.

He knew this was going to happen, he had the moment Anna had told him she was going to approach Winchester, he didn't know why couldn't swallow the idea that would agree to date his sister, he didn't like to dwell on it much. But knowing it was going to happen didn't prepare him to see his sister like this.

His sadness over Anna's situation didn't take long to be replaced by anger at Winchester.

What an _asshat._

Treating everybody like shit, like they were dirt to him, Castiel was surprised Winchester even had friends, welp, they must be shitbags like himself. Who the actual hell did he think he was? was he under the illusion that he could mess up everybody and they'd be cool with it?

Winchester deserved punishment, repay for all the hearts he had broken, most of all he deserved punishment for breaking Anna's heart, Castiel's baby sister's heart and he was going to get it. Castiel decided that was what he was going to do, he was going to get revenge.

He was going to let Winchester know what it felt like to be rejected, to feel like you weren't good enough.

He was going to tear _his_ heart to pieces.

After Physics ended, he made his way towards the locker room.

Castiel wasn't sure about his plan, half of his brain was telling him, screaming at him to do it,to get revenge, the other half was telling him that he was being stupid. That this was utterly disgusting.

Well Castiel couldn't agree more.

He was still contemplating on it as he looked around in his locker for his bio book when he heard his voice, the same voice Castiel wanted to strangle at the moment.

'They say tongue is the strongest muscle in the body, wanna fight?' Winchester leaned against his locker. What the hell was he expecting Castiel to say?was he expecting him to turn into a blushing mess or something?

Looking at him and the his nonchalant voice, it hit Castiel that Winchester didn't care squat what his sister was going through, it was joke to him. His sister was crying her eyes out, she was heartbroken, and here was Winchester flirting with him like the mega dick he was.

It was the anger surging through him that compelled Castiel to do what he did next.

'I don't know, do you?' Castiel took a step closer.

Winchester looked speechless, his face red.

'I...Yes, I mean, if..if you want of course...I mean..only if you're-' part of Castiel wanted to take a picture of Dean the moment, looking all flustered, this was a historical moment.

 Before Dean could say anything else Castiel grabbed him by the collar of his stupid plaid shirt and slammed him against the locker, smashing their lips together.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the late update! my computer is mad at me I think and I got a little caught up in some stuff. Anyway hope you like this chapter

It started out sweet and gentle but didn't take time to turn intense.

At first Dean couldn't think, he thought he must be having one of his dreams(he got those  _way_  to often), but as he felt himself melt at the feeling of Castiel plush lips against his own,Dean realized that  _no, this is way too real and way to awesome to be a dream._

He was shocked at first, then it was if something woke up inside of him, something intense and hungry, something that had been waiting to wake for a long time for one specific person.

He kissed back.

He did so with incredible passion, passion that has been building up inside him for a long time. His hands automatically tangled themselves in Castiel's hair, just like he'd imagine they would while sitting in class bored with nothing to do except daydream about this moment, God he'd waited to _damn_ long.

He licked at the seam of the other boy's lips, begging for an entrance, after some time Castiel granted him access. Dean allowed himself to explore, it was way better than any fantasy Dean had ever come up with. Castiel tasted of mint and something sweet, something that made Dean want to kiss me senseless.

All in all it was hot and messy and sloppy and completely _perfect_.

When they pulled away for breath, Dean was slightly breathless. His eyes fell on Cas's.

And  _Wow,_ he might've fantasized about kissing Cas but that did NOT prepare him for his moment.

Cas was slightly panting, his lips red and his pupils a little dilated. He looked strangely surprised at himself and Dean wondered if it had been a 'heat of the moment thing' . His eyes met with Dean's, and it as always took Dean aback a little, he never got used to Cas's eye colour, it was blue...but not the kind of blue you'd imagine an average person to have, it was as if something dangerous and calm was behind those eyes, which made them shine with such a supernatural beauty. It never failed to allure Dean, he had always tried to label them, Sapphire? ocean? it always ended up being wrong, Cas's eyes were none of those colours and all of them at the same time.

Cas cleared his throat and pulled away and Dean wanted so badly to pull him back in and kiss him again, it took him some time to return to his senses, to realize that they were in the middle of a corridor and people were watching.

Cas was staring at him with a strange expression, he cleared his throat.

'Dean...that action implied that I'm an interested in you romantically so now would be a great time to ask me out...' he seemed a bit nervous, biting his lip hesitantly, Dean really wished he wouldn't do that, it was difficult enough trying to wrap his mind around the current situation without stupid distractions like stupid blue eyes and stupid gorgeous lips.

It took Dean complete ten seconds to realize what Cas had said.'You...want me to?' his tone was so hopeful he felt pathetic.

'Well yes' Cas said determinedly.

It took him a moment to process the meaning of what Cas had just said,  _Relax, you've done this a billion of times inside your head_  'Well then, Castiel Novak, will you-will you..go out with me' it came out much stupider than he had imagined and what the  _hell_  was wrong with his voice?

Castiel replied by pressing his lips gently against Dean's. 'Yes'

Castiel pulled away and Dean almost whined at the loss. God he was so pathetic.

Cas reached for his hand and entangled their fingers.  _This is a dream, there is no freaking way this can be happening..._

Cas took them all the way back to school's courtyard, which was thankfully deserted. Dean was still in a bit of a trance since the only thing his brain seemed to be capable of doing was to long for the feel of Cas's lips on his. 

Cas turned, facing him. 'Dean I think we should talk' Cas's tone was hesitant.

The full impact of what had happened hit Dean, he had kissed Castiel Novak. The boy he had been crushing on for two years, it felt like forever.

Dean wondered why had it taken Cas two years to see that Dean was, the pathetic piece of shit he was, totally and utterly gone on him.

Right, so he acted a bit too forward, but no one had ever denied Dean Winchester for that long and if they had Dean would automatically get over them. So he didn't know how to be persistent without being a bit too forward. And also he didn't think he could stand to look at himself if he 'confessed' to Cas that what his 'true feelings' were like that bullcrap advice he'd been getting from Sam at the matter. Nope not gonna happen.

Dean had figured out the hard way that he couldn't move on from Cas and hell if hadn't tried, he'd tried flirting with other people but that didn't get him anywhere. His thoughts would always come back to Cas. 

He had it bad.

Cas cleared his throat, Dean snapped out of his thoughts for a moment a stupid part of his brain thought that Cas would change his mind because he thought that Dean didn't pay attention to him.

'Umm yes?' Dean said stupidly.

Cas took a deep breath. 'Dean this sudden change of...relationship between us may be surprising for you...but to be completely honest I had been considering it for a while now' he finished, then raised his eyebrows. 'you don't have anything to say to the matter?'

'I...right...of course...' Dean struggled for something to say and words were coming out of his mouth before he could stop it. 'Could you...kiss me again?  _Well done asshole_

Cas's lips stretched into a small smile and came closer and Dean felt the body heat radiating from him, he was only a few inches shorter than Dean. Cas put his arms lightly on Dean's waist and pulled him closer until their noses were touching and he could feel Cas's hot breath against his lips, and God what that didn't do to Dean. Cas clearly didn't know what effect he had on him.

Their lips met.

Dean's brain seemed to have short circuit.

You'd think after that make out session in the middle of a corridor, Dean would've gotten a bit used to the feeling of Cas kissing him, welp wrong.

The feeling was anything but worn out. Dean didn't think he could handle kissing Cas on daily basis without combusting on molecular level.

It was...overwhelming, that's one word for it.

Unlike their first kiss this one was slow and sweet. 

The best thing? it was Cas who deepened the kiss. 

It was almost too much and Dean was lost.

Cas was gentle and control at the same time and Dean was aware that he was making some very embarrassing noises but he couldn't bring himself to care.

Cas's hands tangled in Dean's hair, tugging at the strands in a pleasurable way, Dean's hands wrapped around Cas's waist, pulling him closer than humanly possible and at the same time not close enough.

Cas pulled away gently and Dean mourned the loss deeply.

It took him some time to feel embarrassed at the fact that he was the one with experience and yet Cas had totally dominated him, and Dean loved it.  _p-a-t--h-e-t-i-c_

Cas was looking at him expectantly, waiting for him to break the silence.

'That was...wow' he swallowed not wanting to embarrass himself further by stuttering.

'That is the correct term' Castiel nodded, looking slightly dazed.

It was some time before the silence got a bit awkward.

'So...what now? you wanna hang out or...I don't know...' God what the hell was wrong with him? couldn't he utter a complete sentence without stuttering like an idiot?

'Well we could start by exchanging our cell phone numbers' Castiel said casually as he grabbed Dean's wrist and whipped out a permanent marker, seemingly out of nowhere and wrote his number on Dean's wrist.

The bell rang.

I guess I'll see you tomorrow Dean' Castiel managed a smile, Dean liked the sound of his name on Cas's lips.

'Yeah see you later' and whatever the hell possessed him, he leaned forward and pressed his lips to Cas's cheek.

Cas actually blushed, something Dean had been wanting to see for eternity and the sight did not disappoint.

'I'll..uh..go' his gaze fell downwards as he made his way towards the school.

His emotions jumbled turning from surprise to fear to embarrassment all covered in a thick blanket of happiness, as he watched Cas, his boyfriend go.

Boyfriend, he smiled at the word.  _Castiel Novak is my boyfriend_

And yes he was aware that he was smiling like an idiot.

* * *

 

As Castiel walked out of the courtyard, he wondered if it was possible to be filled with so many emotions at once that you just end up feeling empty.

He went home and fell on the bed, allowing himself temporary peace before the events of the day settled in.

He had kissed Dean Winchester, he had kissed Dean Winchester and pretended like he had wanted Winchester to ask him out, he did. He gave Winchester his phone number.

The fact that he should be utterly disgusted by his actions was clouded with the realization how much he had liked it.

And that scared the living daylights out of him.

It made him reconsider his entire plan, he wasn't stupid he knew that he just couldn't leave Dean after kissing him, the only thing that would do is cause Cas embarrassment and Winchester's persistence would go fucking sky high.

The plan had been to say yes, lead Winchester on and  _then_ leave him.

And it would've been okay and perfect and all good except Castiel had actually  _enjoyed_ kissing Dean. very much.

He also couldn't help but think dwell on how he was going to tell Anna what he was planning to do, he wondered if she would be mad.

The thing Castiel had come in terms with was that: he wasn't only taking revenge for Anna, he was teaching  _Dean_ a lesson for being a douche, if he had only been mad at him for what he had done with Anna, he would've confronted him.

But what if he actually liked Dean? he felt disgusted at the idea.

He did the only thing he could think of,he texted Charlie.

_Castiel: I need to talk to you, are you free for the moment?_

It wasn't long before he got Charlie's text.

_Charlie: here_

Castiel made his way towards the front door.

As soon as the door opened Charlie grabbed him and walked him to the couch sitting him down and settling in herself.

'Would you mind exlplaining to me what the actual  _hell_ was that?' her tone was murderous.

Castiel didn't need to ask what she was talking about, news traveled fast in Lawrence high, or maybe she had seen him in that corridor with Dean's tongue down his throat.

So Castiel told her everything, his plan, what had happened, how Castiel had felt. Everything.

After he was done Charlie just signed.

'What the frack have you gotten yourself into Cas...'

'But Charlie, when I kissed him I actually like it! very much, what do I do now?' he was desperate, desperate for an answer as to why he had liked being close to that asshole.

'Seriously Cas? I thought you were smarter than this, it's a physical thing, it's normal for teenagers to feel attraction and want to bang somebody, it's normal, ain't that hard to get over. Tell you what?after you're done with this we'll find you someone to....engage or whatever!'

That lifted a huge weight off Castiel's chest, of course how could he be so stupid? it was a physical thing, he had known deep down but having Charlie put it out so simply helped tons. Winchester was attractive, there was no denying it. So it was quite normal for Castiel to feel the way he had been feeling at the moment. It was lust.

'Thank God! I thought...I might actually end up liking him...' Castiel shuddered at the thought.

'Now as for the rest of the thing...I don't know what to tell you Cas, I can't exactly say what you did was wrong, you did it out of anger, it's understandable but are you really ready to carry it out?'

Castiel didn't have an answer for that.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the late update!

Getting up the courage to tell Anna the whole thing was murder.

She knew of course, her friend Meg had seen the whole thing.

Castiel couldn't tell if he got the desired response or what.

'Oh...Cas what have you done?...I know Winchester can be a dick sometimes but what if this whole thing goes sideways?' she was genuinely worried but Castiel could tell that she wanted it as well, she wanted Winchester to feel the same way she had. And Castiel was going to make him.

'Don't worry Anna, if I'm being honest though, it was more of a spur of the moment thing, if Winchester hadn't showed up precisely as that moment, I might've changed my mind.' Castiel admitted.

They sat in silence for a while, faint music coming from Anna discarded headphones.

Suddenly, Anna chuckled.

'Whats so funny?'

'You know, when Meg had called me to tell me that she just saw my brother with Dean's tongue down his throat I'm gonna be honest I was horrified'

Castiel thought that was understandable but he let her continue.

'I thought that you had finally given in to his charms'

'Are you serious? I would never ever agree to date that spastic on my own free will' for some weird reason he was desperate to get Anna to believe him.

'I know you are smart enough not to do that, but can you blame me?' Anna picked up one of the fluffy cusions and rested her albows on it.

She still looked a bit gloomy from today's events and there was a worrying frown between her eyebrow.

'I'm not only doing this for your revenge Anna, I'm doing this to teach that Winchester a lesson which he deserves' 

'Just so you know...I'm not mad at you Cas...I can't exactly say I want you to do this but at the same time..I really want you to...' she signed. 'Does that make me a bad person?'

'No, not at all, Winchester deserves it'

Anna signed again and leaned in on Castie, he held her, content for the moment.

 

Some time later when Castiel was in his room and trying to focus on reading, the inevitable happened.

_Unknown: hey Cas_

What in the name of God does he want right now? it was Saturday for God's sake, wasn't Castiel allowed to rest for sometime before the torture that was Monday would began? it took sometime for Castiel to settle with the fact that Winchester was his  _boyfriend_  now. He knew it was fake, of course at least on Castiel's part, he just had to keep Winchester's attention for a few weeks then he could drop the dime and bail. Somehow the thought didn't bring as much happiness as Castiel hoped it would bring.

_Castiel: Hello Dean_

_Winchester: so I was wondering, if u wanna, uknow hang out or something_

_Castiel: So it's a date?_ Castiel had no idea what had compelled him to write that as an answer, maybe he had just been stalling for time.

_Dean: well yea sorta if thats what you wanna call it_

_Castiel: Okay, pick me up at 5_

_Dean: right seeya bye_

He really didn't want to get up from the bed to go on a date with Winchester, but he guessed if wanted the thing to work this was necessary.

~4:58~

'Cassie you've got a visiter!' Gabriel called from the hall.

Castiel had a weird, jumpy feeling in his chest as he made his way downstairs  _nerves._

Castiel reached the main hall.

Gabe had already went to the kitchen so him and Winchester were all alone.

Winchester was standing in the hall looking extremely out of place in his casual wear complete with the awkward expression.

'Dude you live her-' he stopped, his eyes travelling all the way up and down Castiel's form.

Castiel felt rather uncomfortable, he had chosen to dress a bit more carefully, in a thin black cardigan pulled over a plain white tee shirt with tight blue jeans Anna had got him. Needless to say he wasn't exactly comfortable with the outfit

'Dean, would you please cease the staring?'

'Right...of course it's just..' he chuckled, his hand rubbing his neck.'You look really good Cas'

Castiel rolled his eyes, and put on a fake smile. 'Can we go now?'

They made their way outside the house where a beautiful, classical looking car was parked, everybody in the school knew about it of course, but Castiel had never gotten a close up.

'Wow' Castiel said before he could stop himself.

Dean smiled proudly.'My dad gave her to me, said if I could fix her up, she was all mine.'

'You're good with cars' it wasn't a question.

'Well yeah I sometimes help my uncle around a bit, he owns a garage not far from here.' Dean shrugged.

They got into the car, the silence thick and heavy.

'So... I know this place downtown, best pie you'll ever taste'

'As you wish Dean'

Dean looked a bit offended at not having Castiel's opinion but shrugged it off and played some music.

It was the exact type of music Castiel expected Winchester to like.

A part of him felt upset that Dean had turned on the music so he wouldn't have to talk to Castiel, that raised the important question as to why should he even care?

The Roadhouse was a small, cozy place that gave a homey vibe.

They reached a booth at the far corner and sat down.

A pretty girl with blonde hair walked over to them, Jo A.K.A one of Dean's many many friends.

'Hey there long time no see' she walked to Dean slapping him across the head in joking manner and Cas realized that they must be very close.

'Jo we see each other like...everyday'

Her eyes fell on Cas. 'Hey there, so Dean finally convinced you huh? about time' she grinned.

'Yeah that's right, I'll have the usual, you Cas?' he looked in Castiel's direction.

'I'll have what you'll have Dean' 

'You sure?' Dean said.

'Yeah make it two you can go now' Dean said through gritted teeth.

Jo grinned wider. 'Oh did I mention how what a  _complete_ sap this guy is? talks about you like, non-stop it's Castiel this and Castiel that, I'm telling you, he even threatened this one guy who was about to approa-'

'JOANNA HARVELLE!' an angry female voice bellowed.

'Shit, I'll definitely tell you some other time' she winked in Castiel's direction and stuck out her tongue at Dean before going off.

Dean breathed a sign of relief.

Castiel decided that maybe not all of Dean's friends were shitbags.

'Are you and Jo related?' Castiel asked for the sake of keeping conversation going.

'Nah, she's a family friend but...yeah she's like a sister to me'

'You two seem really close' 

'Shes Bobby's step daughter, the uncle I told you about...so yeah we're pretty close'

Castiel was just thinking of what else to say when Winchester spared him the the trouble.

'So tell me about yourself Cas.'

The conversation starter was so out-of-the-blue it, Castiel didn't process it much.

'What?' he said.

'You know, I've known you for two years, but I've never really  _known_ anything about you' Dean explained.

'Okay...um I enjoy painting and reading and...' Castiel struggled to find something else.

'It's okay if you can't you know..., anyway, you paint? I never knew that'

'I think we can both agree on how lame that conversation starter was' 

'Yeah, my bad....'

Awkward silence.

'So do you like Harry Potter?' Dean asked.

**Some time later...**

'But you can't deny that Snape was a douche Cas!'

'Yes but looking back at his story line you'd think that-'

'He was Neville's worst fear, what kind a grade-A dick-'

'If you just-'

'And even after-'

'Will you even-'

Someone cleared their throat. Jo set down their food, chucking slightly. 'Well this seems to be going great for a first date, I'll leave you to it' 

Castiel looked down at his plate of food, he hadn't realized how hungry he was.

Dean had already dug in, Castiel followed his lead.

The burger was the most awesome thing Castiel could ever remember tasting, he let out a moan.

'Awesome right'?

Castiel was too busy eating to even answer.

Dean set his burger down. 'Look, Cas, I really like you man and I know I've been a dick to you, but I really want this thing to pan out...so' Dean cleared his throat.

'It's okay Dean' the apology made something warm and fuzzy swell inside Castiel's chest. Castiel decided not to dwell on it much. Dean was apologizing,  _well it's not like he means it..._ Castiel thought more to convince himself than anything.

'I have also may treated you harshly in the past but I hope we can put it past us and move on' Castiel said evenly,the line was practiced, prepared.

Dean smiled. 'So what changed your mind?'

'Well...you  _are_ very pursuing and some time after the English class, I realized that I wanted to give this a try'

'Well could've done that sooner' Dean's tone was wistful.

'Can you blame me? those pick up lines were so lame I wanted to puke.' Castiel said, honestly this time.

Dean pretended to look offended. 'How  _dare_  you?'

'I'm being honest Dean, a cow can flirt better than you' Castiel's lips stretched into a smile to let Dean know that he was teasing, some small part of his brain registered that he really was just teasing.

'Well it got you didn't it?' Dean gave a cheeky smile.

'Oh please, I would've kissed you if you had spouted out a cheap movie dialogue at that moment' it took Castiel some time to realize what he had said, as the words settled in, he felt warm in the face.

His embarrassment faded quickly though, when he registered the sight of Dean's face, he was blushing furiously.

Castiel couldn't help but crack a smile at the sight. 'You're blushing Dean'

'Shut up' he blushed even harder, causing Castiel to burst into laughter.

After a cheeseburger,milkshake, two slices of heavenly apple pie and an ice cream sundae Castiel felt full, warm and content and the only thing he felt like doing was to lie down and sleep.

Dean seemed unaffected as he dug into yet another slice of pie.

'How can you eat that much?' Castiel was genuinely surprised.

'I do it on daily basis' he said around a mouthful of pie.

'How can you still manage to look like that?'

Dean stopped midway to another spoonful and grinned. 'Like what?'

'Like an overgrown infection' Castiel said quickly covering up.

Dean laughed, deep and and he put his full body to it, it wasn't the kind of laugh that made your heart swell or whatever, it was the kind of laugh that made everything seem lighter, made you want to laugh along.

As they exited the diner, Jo whispered something in Dean's ear on the way out that made his ears turn pink.

They made their way towards the car in comfortable silence.

As Dean was about to start, Castiel noticed something on the left side of his chin.

Castiel let out a chuckle, it looked damn near adorable for some reason.'Dean you've got pie one your...'

'Did I get it?' Dean said completely missing the spot, hands rubbing uselessly at the right side of his face.

'No, it's...wait let me get it' Castiel leaned in closer, his fingers brushed the side of Dean's chin and found his lips, he rubbed gently at the spot.

Dean was looking at him as if in trance, his pupils slightly dilated.

Without his permission, Castiel's body began to lean in closer until they were breathing the same air.

Castiel couldn't breath, up close, Dean was beautiful, the spray of freckles across his nose and cheeks, it was kinda adorable, his lips were full and pink and just asking to be kissed.

And his eyes...they were the most beautiful green Castiel had ever seen, they were bright and alert and radiated an air of adventure and freedom and possibilities.

Dean's hand closed around Castiel's which was still lingering o Dean's face.

His eyes fell on castiel's lips and before he knew what was going on, they were kissing.

It was sweet and gentle and unlike the first two they had shared, they kept their tongues to themselves, enjoying the feel of each others lips.

There it was, the weird spark Castiel had felt the first and second time they had kissed, an urge to move closer, to envelope himself in Dean's warmth but this time he knew it was a physical thing.

_Just a physical thing, nothing more_

They broke apart and Dean smiled. Humming slightly.

They were broken out of their trance when Jo taped on the glass.

'What the hell Jo!?' Dean pulled away and Castiel felt mourning sensation in is gut. He quickly snapped out of it.

Jo laughed abnoxiously. 'Relax, I'm not gonna keep you long from eating your boyfriend's face off'

'What the hell do you want?' Dean growled.

Jo held up a plastic bad. 'Mom wanted you to give aunt Mary this and don't eat it all by yourself, ya fat buffalo' she thrust the bag at Dean and waved at Castiel before going back in.

'Man, she sure knows how to ruin a moment' Dean mutters and they headed off.

The ride consists of them arguing over Team Captain America and Team Iron Man, Castiel was surprised and a little annoyed at how easy it was to converse with Dean, he had been expecting him to have completely different interests than himself and founding out otherwise was just plain out... _strange,_ there was also this other thing That Castiel couldn't seem to stop himself from rambling to Dean, since he listened with such interest. It was irritating.When they reached home it was quite late.

'Listen Cas, I really enjoyed myself today, I really hope we could do that again sometime' Dean said honestly.

'I enjoyed myself as well' Castiel was surprised to find out that the lie wasn't forced.

Dean pressed a quick kiss to Castiel's lips. 'Well, night Cas'

'Good night Dean'

* * *

 

As Castiel drifted to sleep, there was one thought bubbling in his subconsciousness that he was too sleepy to think through at the moment. He really had enjoyed himself today, more than he had in a while actually.

He dreamed of green eyes and soft lips but he didn't remember any of that in the morning.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont even know anymore

'So you're telling me that he is on Stark's side?' Charlie said. 'Dick'

'That is the only thing you've taken from what I've told you?'

'No, of course not, I get it you guys went on a date, Dean eats a a a lot, the diner also happened to somewhat of a work place to my crush and Dean supports Stark' Charlie proclaimed.

'Well, he just said that what Stark did was reasonable' Castiel recounted.

'Like I said, dick'

'No, when he said it it actually made a lot of sense'

Charlie gasped. 'You're betraying me?betraying Captain?'

'I'm not- you'll actually have to talk to Dean to understand'

Charlie stopped midway from stuffing her face with tortilla chips. 'Since when did go from Winchester to Dean?'

Castiel honestly didn't know, after last night he guessed, but he didn't want to tell that to Charlie, he didn't even want too admit it to himself.

'It slipped out of my mouth'

'It never slips out of your nose Cas'

Castiel threw a pillow at her.

* * *

 

Monday.

Castiel got out of bed, a feeling of dread spreading through him.

He had no idea why he was feeling this way, he was dating Dean Winchester and the whole school was going to know now, what else.  _Its going to be okay, if anyone does say anything, Dean will take care of it._

 _Whoa,_  since when did he started  _depending_  on Dean to take care of anyone who says something bad about him?

_It must be the fake dating thing ._

On the way to school, Anna was her usual cheery self but Castiel could tell she was nervous about the situation herself, but did her best to cheer Castiel up, which he was grateful for.

As they reached the school Anna was joined by her friend, Meg who gave Castiel a wink as she and Anna made their way toward the gate. Didn't she know Castiel and Dean were together now? Castiel was  _Dean's_   boyfriend for God's sake. Castiel gave a pause at the thought, what the  _fuck_ was he thinking? since when did he associate himself as  _Dean's_? He shook himself, purposefully ignoring the slight feeling of giddiness he got at the thought.

As he was searching his locker, he felt someone standing behind him.

'Hello Dean'

'Hey Cas, I wanted to ask you something'

Castiel shut the locker. 'Go on' he said curious.

'My mom invited you over to dinner' Dean said, acting nonchalant, but Castiel thought he detected a hint of nervousness in his voice.

Castiel didn't understand why Dean's mother would would want to see him, Dean dated a lot of people, then why him specifically?

'Sure'

'Seven is good' Dean offered, as they made their way towards the homeroom.

'Hmm-mmm' Castiel said not really paying attention.

'Or you could just...you know come home with me'

Castiel paused, spending a whole day at Dean's house...he had to admit the idea didn't seem as bad as he'd expected and he  _had_  to lead Dean on so.

'Yes, I'll call Gabe to let him know'

The people passing by gave them looks going from surprise to anger, whispering to each other. But Castiel ignored them, much more interested in Dean, who was telling him that they could play video games at his house.

They sat together in the homeroom.

'You know, I'm actually willing to accept  _A very Potter Musical_ as canon than  _The cursed child_ '

'It wasn't that bad Dean'

'It was ridiculous-'

'I totally agree' someone sat down next to them.

'Hey, I'm Charlie, I'm sure Cas here has told you all about me'

Dean seemed a bit surprised at the sudden company. But recovered quickly. 'Dean' he said extending his hand.

Charlie shook it enthusiastically. 'So I heard you bad mouthing  _The cursed child,_ you're so right bro, Jack Throne completely blew it'

'I know right?'

'I liked Albus and Scorpius though, you can't tell me they aren't gay for eachother'

'They are basically emitting rainbows to be honest'

Charlie gave Cas a look like: _I told you so!_

Dean and Charlie continued talking about  _The cursed Child_ they occasionally tried to include Castiel in their conversation, but Castiel was more than happy to just observe.

Dean and Charlie got along great together.  _Shit._ What if Charlie ended up liking Dean and trying to convince Castiel that he wasn't that bad? what if she told Dean what Castiel was up to, No she wouldn't do that, she was a great friend,  _no way_ she'd do _that_.

The bell rang signalling the start of classes.

'See you at lunch Cas' Dean said leaning in to kiss Cas. Castiel felt butterflies in his stomach. _Just a physical thing._

Charlie was watching them with a strange expression.

She didn't mention the kiss or Dean during their class together, which Castiel was thankful for.

At lunch Dean offered them to sit with his friends on their table.

'So, Dean finally got to you, didn't he?' a big, burly boy with dark hair said.

'Benny leave the poor guy alone' a scrawny, Asian kid chided, Kevin.

Castiel never understood why Dean hung out with Kevin, since he was the studious type, maybe to cheat homework.

'Well, Cas, we're glad you said yes, Dean was eating our brains with the angsty "he doesn't love me back" crap' Jo said over a slice of pizza.

Dean covered his face with his hands and Charlie laughed. She seemed to be getting along great with all of Dean's friends, especially Jo, with whom she had been not-so-subtly flirting with for some time now. The fact that Jo flirted back encouraged her further.

'So Castiel' Kevin said. 'What made you say yes?'

Everybody turned their attention towards Castiel.

Castiel felt rather uncomfortable, he had been prepared to answer that question to Dean but he didn't think that he would have to tell the whole friend group too.

'I...uh' Castiel cleared his throat. 'I decided to give it a try, Dean is very persuasive after all'

Jo smacked Benny across the head. 'Told ya it wasn't the new pick up line!'

'So everybody listen' Charlie began. 'I want you all to answer a very important question' everybody turned their attention towards her.

'Go on' Dean said.

'Do you support team Captain America or Team Iron man?'

The whole table burst into a shouting match at once.

Needless to say the conversation got very messy, as conversations tend to get when the are directed towards Team Captain America and Team Iron Man.

* * *

 

Dean had to stay for practice so Castiel ended up waiting for him at the bleachers.

And  _no,_ he was _not_ admiring how Dean looked all sweated and dirty.

Someone sat down next to him. Jo, she was also on the football team.

Some people might have complained about her being on the team at the beginning and those people might just have ended up with broken noses.

'He really likes you, you know' she said looking at Dean.

'Yeah?' Castiel tried to squash the weird feeling that was welling up inside him, was it.. _hope?_ No, Jo was Dean's childhood friend, it was normal for her to say that.

'Yup, have since you first showed up, I've never seen him this serious about anyone before'

Castiel considered this, maybe Winchester did like him more than he liked a lot of other people, but that didn't make him any less of a dick. Then why did it feel like Castiel was trying to convince himself? Dean had been nice to him so far, he was easy to talk with too and seemed to genuinely like him,  _No that couldn't be, Winchester is an arrogant asshole and no amount of movies and books is going to change that_ Castiel thought firmly.

'You okay? you seem a bit constipated' Jo said, her brown eyes a bit concerned.

Dean came towards them right at that moment. 'Hey 'sup?'

'Just telling Cas how much of a nerd you are, hoping he would leave before it become serious'

Dean scowled at her. 

Jo laughed and made her way back to the playground.

'C'mon Cas, lets go' Dean said giving Castiel a hand, Castiel took it, Dean only let go when him and Castiel reached the car.

As soon as they got into the care Dean turned on the music. It was _Back in Black_ by AC DC.

'I don't understand' Castiel said suddenly. 'Why must you listen to songs that contain lyrics'

Dean seemed a bit confused. 'Because, what else is there is listen?'

'The music'

Dean started the car. 'Come one now that would be boring'

'Personally, I think music is the only  thing worth listening, you don't need a person telling you what the song is about'

'I don't get what your getting at'

'I mean, music is suppose to make you feel something right? but the modern music consists of people yelling or talking uselessly about sexual intercourse'

Dean laughed and something bubbled inside Castiel's chest.

'Wow, never thought of it that way' Dean smiled at him.

Castiel tried to ignore the butterflies in his stomach.

'So what kind of music do  _you_  like?' Dean said after a moment of silence.

'I prefer violen and piano, my favorite is Beethoven's 5th symphony'

'Seriously?'

'It's way more pleasant than a whipping neighing don't you think?'

Dean laughed so hard their car almost got hit.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I WAS 13 I REPEAT I WAS 13

The Winchester's was a 15 minutes drive from Castiel's.

The house itself was pretty nice, the kind you read about in books, two story with a red roof and half-white walls.

It was different from the Novak mansion and Castiel kinda liked it, it had a comfortable vibe the Novak mansion could never achieve with it's high walls and marble floor.

They made their way inside the house.

The inside of the house was just as comfy looking as the outside.

A boy who couldn't have been more than twelve was sprawled out on the sofa in the main hall, nose in a book.

'Hey Sam' dean said as they entered the room. 'Meet Cas'

Sam looked up from the book he was reading. 'This the guy you've been talking non-stop for two years?'

Sam had brown hair that ended near the base of his neck, his nose was sharper than Dean. And he gave off a completely different vibe than his older brother.

Dean's ears turned pink.

'You really talk that much about me Dean?' Castiel teased, loving the way Dean's cheeks coloured.

Sam put the book down on the coffee table. 'You have no idea, it goes from "he's so hot" to "he'll never love me" on daily basis' Sam grinned at Dean, despite his teasing it was quite obvious that he was very fond of his older brother.

'I never said that!' 

'No, but you were thinking it' Sam turned to Castiel. 'I'm Sam by the way' he extended his hand Castiel shook it gingerly.

'You're in middle school, I presume?'

'Yup, 5th grade'

'Is that a Latin notebook?'

.Uh...yeah'

'I studied Latin for a bit back in middle school' Castiel recalled.

'He isn't really interested in it' Dean said, taking off his shoes. 'See Sammy here has a crush on this chick who goes to the class, whats her name? Jess' Dean smirked, pleased at having a higher ground.

Sam's neck turned pink. 'Shut up, I study it because I like it, it's not like-'

'Dean?' a woman appeared from a door leading to the kitchen. She had wavy blond hair ending near the shoulders, she looked 39-40-ish but was very pretty. She wore a light blue top with black jeans.

'Hey, mom' Dean said kissing her cheek.

Now that Castiel noticed the woman did have a uncanny resemblance to Dean, they had the same nose and the same smile, she was gorgeous.

'You must be Castiel?' She smiled.

'Yes Mrs Winchester' Castiel replied, feeling oddly uncomfortable, as to whether or not Mrs Winchester would like him.  _Stop that, it's not like you should care_ he told himself firmly.

But Mrs Winchester seemed like a very nice woman, she gave off a nice, friendly aura.

'Please, you can call me Mary' she said extending her hand.

Castiel shook it.

'So you finally gave in huh? I was getting concerned about Dean's mental condition' She let go of Castiel's hand.

'Mom!'

Castiel chuckled and Mary's smile widened. 

Suddenly a steaming sound came from the kitchen.

'That would be the pressure cooker, we can discuss my son's unfortunate insanity at dinner' She said hurrying off to the kitchen.

Sam smirked and Dean glared at him. 'C'mon Cas, I'll show you my room' he said grabbing Castiel's hand and interlocking their fingers together. It send something like an electric shock through Cas's body and his breath hitched. But the idiot denied it of course. 

Dean's room was...well it was very  _Dean,_ if that made sense. It had a bed, a closet and a dressing table and a T.V, a small looking couch, along with a few comfy looking bean bags. There were posters, shit lot of poster, of bands and movies Dean never stopped talking about. It was messy but not too messy. In all honesty it was really different from Castiel's own room, and he loved it.

Dean seemed a bit uncomfortable, and suddenly Castiel realized how good he's gotten at reading Dean's body language, he pushed that thought away.

'Yeah...well it's not much, but..hey you wanna play video games?' he said suddenly noticing a video game CD titled  _Mortal Kombat._

Castiel wasn't very fond of video games but he obliged. 

After much grumbling from Dean, they agreed to play Mario Kart since it was the only one Castiel knew how to play.

* * *

 

'HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING THIS?!'

'LANGUAGE DEAN!' Mary yelled from somewhere down in the kitchen.

Castiel smirked, he was no big fan of video games, but when it came to Mario Kart, he put Gabriel to shame, which was saying something.

'Skill, Dean' he said smugly.

Dean let out a frustrated noise which made Castiel laugh.

'What?' Castiel asked, noticing Dean staring at him with a dopey grin on his face.

'Nothing, do I need permission to stare at my boyfriend?'

Castiel shoved at him playfully, feeling a bit giddy.

'It's just...you look very good when you laugh Cas, never stop doing that' Dean said honestly. Something in Castiel's chest swelled.

'Sap'

'Hey!' Dean tackled him, pinning him down.

Castiel cackled, unable to contain his laughter. 

Dean stopped smiling suddenly, leaning in close, Castiel's breath hitched. Dean's eyes were hooded. Castiel's gaze traveled from Dean's eyes to his lips, which were slightly parted. He felt a strong urge to close the distance, to feel those plush lips against his own. The air felt unnaturally hot.

'Cas...'Dean's lips brushed Castiel's ever so slightly and Castiel leaned into the touch, craving more...

Suddenly his hands flew to Castiel's sides.

'Dean what are you-? NO NO STOP IT STO-'

Too late, Dean began tickling his sides furiously while laughing evilly. Castiel tried to escape to grasp, but Dean was too strong.

Castiel was laughing so hard he couldn't breath. 'DEAN I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL END YOU!' he said in between bursts of laughter. He pushed his elbow hard in Dean's stomach.

'Ow' Dean cried out.

Castiel took advantage of the distraction to grab Dean's biceps, put his knee in between Dean's legs, and his other foot on the edge of the sofa to switch the positions, so now Dean was lying underneath him.

Dean look shell shocked, eyes wide.

He was beautiful. His hair were messed up in an extremely adorable way, his lips parted. Castiel noticed how beautiful his freckles were, they made him look so adorable and sunkissed. His eyes were unlike any green Castiel had ever seen, it was by far the most alluring color ever.

Castiel began to lean in closer until their noses were touching, Dean gave a tentative smile, his trademark, lopsided one and Castiel's felt like his heart was performing jumping jacks, he leaned in closer, closing the gap between them.

Castiel relished how his lips fitted perfectly against Dean's, it was as if sparks were igniting within him, his brain seemed to turn to mush as all logical thought thought drifted out of him, filling him with the smell of Dean, and the feel of them pressed flush against one another and just... _Dean_.

Castiel pulled away for breath, kissing the corner of Dean's mouth, Dean squirmed underneath him, his hands flew to Castiel's hair tugging at the unruly strands.

Castiel kissed him again, and again, memorizing every detail of how Dean felt pressed up against him, the taste of Dean's lips- sweet and almost intoxicating. Dean's lips molded into Castiel's perfectly, and it seemed as though they were made for each other, the sliding of their lip-

'Dean I need that-OH oh I'm sorry I'll-' Sam covered his eyes.

'What the hell Sam?' Dean pushed Castiel off him, practically picking him up and setting him on the other side.

'I..am I sorry Dean I didn'- AT LEAST THE LOCK THE DOOR!'  Sam's face was red.

Castiel wrung his hands awkwardly, hoping that the brothers wouldn't notice his blush, he shouldn't have got that carried away, Goddamn Dean and his stupid eyes and his stupid lips and that  _stupid_  lopsided smile-

_Physical thing, it's just the stupid physical thing_

'What the hell do you want anyway?' Dean glowered, his cheeks were a bit pink but he looked nowhere as embarrassed as Castiel felt, Castiel suddenly wondered if this happened often, Sam walking in on Dean making out with someone, someone that wasn't Castiel, Castiel felt his insides turn to knots at the thought, the thought of Dean sharing what he had moments ago with Castiel with somebody else, _of course he has, that's Dean Winchester to you, why should you care anyway?_ Castiel bit his lip, he so didn't want to think about this right now, so instead he forced himself to focus on what the Winchester were on about.

'I wanted that comic from a month ago, the one you wouldn't let me touch' Sam explained, still a bit embarrassed.

Dean got up, grumbling, pulling out drawers at random. Sam looked at Castiel and gave him a  _it's not your fault_ smile, though it seemed more like a wince.

'Here' Dean said pushing Sam towards the door. 'And next time, _knock_ '

'I thought you'd have enough sense to lock the door, it's not mature to-' Dean shut the door at his face. Castiel thought he heard a muffled 'Jerk' at the other side of the door.

'Well, that took an interesting turn' Castiel straightened himself up a little, trying to make his hair look a bit more presentable.

Dean rolled his eyes. 'he's never gonna learn to knock'

'And your never gonna learn to close the door I suppose'

'You're the one who jumped me!'

'Excuse me? you pinned me down first!'

'Well you started the kissing first!'

'Well you were basically asking for it, with your green eyes and your Goddamn lips and-'Castiel stopped, his face felt like it was on fire.

'With what Cas?' Dean smirked, leaning in. Castiel shoved at him with a pillow.

Something caught his eye. A new looking copy of   _The Giver_ , something he'd been meaning to read for some time.

'Can I borrow that?' 

Dean followed his gaze. 'I have't started with it yet,maybe later?'

Castiel huffed, reaching for the copy. He leaned his back and began to read. After about 1.5 seconds of this Dean said. 'Hey! you're gonna read that _now_? we could do something else you know' When Castiel didn't reply, Dean scooted closer to him until they were both pressed together head to toe.

'Read it out loud' Castiel felt Dean's hot breath against his neck.

'Dean-'

'Please?'

Castiel signed and gave in. He began:

_'It was almost December, and Jonas was beginning to be frightened. No. Wrong word, Jonas thought. Frightened meant that deep, sickening feeling of something terrible about to happen. Frightened was the way he had felt a year ago when an unidentified aircraft had over flown the community twice. He had seen it both times.'_

Castiel was finding it rather hard to concentrate with Dean pressed this close to him, breathing on his neck. Castiel felt goosebumps on his arms and something,  _something_ Castiel had no intention of thinking much about, made him move closer, making their heads touch.

 _Squinting toward the sky, he had seen the sleek jet, almost a blur at its high speed, go past, and a second later heard the blast of sound that followed. Then one more time, a moment later, from the opposite direction, the same plane. '_   Dean hummed, his lips almost touching Castiel's neck.

Castiel felt heat spread through him like an electric shock,it was a thrilling feeling.

Dean's hand wound around Castiel's shoulder, playing with his hair, Castiel wasn't even paying attention at this point. He just read the words on the page without thought, his brain instead focused on Dean's warmth that wound around him protectively. The way Dean smelled, like leather and oil and a smell that Castiel had come to associate with Dean.

It felt very comfortable and insanely thrilling at the same same time, and a small, teensy, tiny part of Castiel wished he could stay like this forever.

* * *

 

The knock was what woke them up.

They had fallen asleep side by side on the couch, pressed up against each other, Castiel didn't remember falling a sleep.

Dean woke up groggily, yawning. 'What time is it?'

'How am I suppose to know?'

Dean leaned in pressed his lips to Castiel's for a quick kiss. Castiel almost whined when he pulled away.

Dean got up and stretched, Castiel would be lying through his teeth if he said that he didn't miss the warmth. 

An other insistent knock.

Dean made his way towards the door. 'What do you want Sammy?' he asked.

'Dinner's ready' Sam looked in the suspiciously, taking in Dean and Castiel's messed up attire.

Suddenly, his eyes went wide. 'Did you guys-?'

'No  _no,_ we fell a sleep,that's all.' Dean blushed.

Sam still looked a bit suspicious but nevertheless but didn't pry any further. 'Okay, Mom says hurry up' he said before leaving.

After freshening up a bit they made their way towards the kitchen.

There was a man sitting at the dinner table, he looked a bit gruff, Castiel thought, but he was talking with Mary good-naturedly.

'Hows it goin' Dean?'

'It's alright, dad'

Mr Winchester eyed Castiel up and down, Castiel squirmed under his gaze.

'Oh this is my boyfriend, Castiel' Dean sat down, motioning at Castiel to follow his lead.

'Boyfriend huh?' 

'Honey, we've been over this' Mary told him sternly from the counter. 'Dean is allowed to bring home who ever he like regardless the gender'

'Yeah yeah I get it' John said. Turning his attention to Castiel. 'What's it about my son that made you want to be with him?'

Castiel stiffed, he has never considered an answer to that question. 'He..uh he's very nice to me and respects my boundaries' Dean smiled at him. Castiel tried not to think how much of a truth he had said.

'Hmmm that doesn't sound like Dean'

'Dad!'

'Okay, chill up' John said good naturedly. 'So, Castiel where do you see yourself in a couple of years?'

'I want to be a neurologist' Castiel said in a heart beat. It had been his chosen career for over an year. He new he wanted to be a doctor from a young age, to help people.

'It's great that you've got your mind set' John said. 

'SAM!' Mary called out.

Sam came in, with a book in his hands, rushing to claim a seat.

When all had been set. They dug in. The dinner was amazing. Roast beef with mashed potatoes and vegetables.

The conversation went on, they talked about Castiel's family. And about Winchester's. Castiel learned that John was an engineer and Mary wrote for the local paper. So far he liked the Winchesters just fine. 

Castiel learnt John Winchester was a fireman, retired from the Marines, Mary wrote a columm for the local paper, Castiel wondered why Dean had never mentioned any of those details.

Mary seemed to take a special liking to him, asking about his grades and so. While John mostly asked about his family background. Sam mostly remained to himself, reading the book Mary had gotten tired of trying to get off the table.

You seem like a very good student Castiel, I 'm glad you and Dean got together' Mary said gratefully.

Castiel felt something drop in his stomach, she was happy for them, for Dean.  And it was all for nothing seeing as Castiel was going to break up with him.

'Yeah, great student' Dean said amused. 'Always has his nose in a book'

Castiel hit him in the thigh with his knee. Dean barely hid a wince. But returned the attack.

'Well it's a good thing Dean, you should learn something from him' John said.

Dean hit him in the thigh using his own, it was a playful gesture rather than an accusing one.

And Castiel found himself resting his thigh against Dean's for the remainder of the dinner.

* * *

 

'Well that went well' they were parked outside Castiel's house, Dean insisted that he drop Castiel off.

'Except for the part when you kneed me under the table'

'You started it'

'You said I always have my nose in a book!'

'It's true'

Castiel huffed, unimpressed, he knew people talked about him behind his back, that he was a stupid nerd blah blah blah but knowing that Dean thought the same made something twist in his stomach.

'Look, I never said it was a bad thing'

Castiel looked up to see Dean smiling at him.

'You read a lot, I don't mind, it's a part of you and I like all of you'

Castiel felt warm from the compliment.

'Thanks'

Dean grinned, teeth and all and Castiel thought that it was way more attractive that those charming smirks that made girls swoon, in fact Dean was way more attractive when he wasn't trying to impress or flirt.

'Goodnight Cas' Dean said leaning in for a kiss.

'Night Dean'


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update! i got caught up in some stuff, anyway hope you don't cringe while reading like I did

'Psssttt Cas'

'Shut up Dean'

'C'mon, it wont take long'

'A quickie in the bathroom? it would take a lot of time Dean'

That shut Dean up, Castiel wondered if he realized that Castiel had been joking.

They were in English class, the only one they shared except lunch, after they started dating, they had been sitting together during English. The teacher was droning on and on about _First Folio_ and as far as Castiel could see, he was the only one taking notes.

'Well, it's called quickie for a reason' Dean smirked, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

'What do you want, Dean?' Castiel signed.

'Why did Yankee Doodle name the feather of his hat macaroni?' Dean said, barely fighting off a giggle.

Castiel fought off the urge to smack Dean across the head with his textbook.

'Is this really the topic of importance right now?'

Dean shrugged. 'So I was wondering, I'm having some problem in Chemistry, you mind helping me out a bit?'

'Sure' Castiel replied in a heartbeat.

'Great, so I was thinking...your house?five?'

Castiel considered this, he had been to Dean's house so it was only fair that Dean pay his a visit. He had to admit the idea didn't seem so bad, Anna would be out with her friends and Gabe wont be home till six and there father didn't seem to show any interest in showing up anytime soon.

'Yes, five seems good'

'Awesome' Dean leaned back.

The rest of the period passed in blurry of annoying questions and eye rolling.

~4:50~

_Charlie: he there yet_

_Castiel: No, not yet._

_Charlie: when will he be there_

_Castiel: We agreed on five._

_Castiel: What does it matter to you anyway?_

_Charlie: nothin just a bit destroyed that my bff found something else to watch netflix with_

_Castiel: We are going to study, Dean requires help in chemistry._

_Charlie: yea yea_

_Castiel: I wont allow him to be distracted._

_Charlie: use protection_

Castiel rolled his eyes, between Charlie and Dean, he wondered if he was going to end up damaging his retina permanently.

He shifted on the comfort of his bed, realizing just how much of what Charlie had said made him....uncomfortable, he was sure that was the word, the fact that his face felt like you could fry an egg on it was unrelated. Yeah sure he liked Dean  _that_  way, but the thing was, that was the _only_  way he liked him. But the last few days were making him a bit confused, Dean was really into it, he was serious, that's not something you see Winchester throwing away everyday. And besides....he wasn't as bad as Castiel expected, he was easy to talk to and kind of...fun. And he had this really cute pout that urged Castiel to kiss it off Dean's face. every.single.time. As you've probably guessed he still assumed that the cause for these urges was teenage hormones. *sign*

 _No, it's not like that, it will never be like that, he hurt Anna._ Suddenly Castiel felt guilty for even letting this thought cross his mind.

But really? he can't deny that the thought had been crossing his mind a lot lately, what if he actually-

***Bell noises***

Castiel jerked away from his thoughts, he was being stupid.

He opened the door to see Dean grinning at him, but Castiel saw past that, he could tell Dean was nervous.

Dean eyed him up and down, at first Castiel felt flustered when he did that, but now he'd gotten used to it, he had been informed by Charlie that he often did the same to Dean.

Dean was wearing a Led Zepplin tee shirt and dark blue jeans, a bag on his shoulder. His hair was more made up than usual, it accured to Castiel he had specially dressed up for this. The thought made him a bit giddy.

'Hey' Dean caught his gaze.

'Hello Dean, Come in' he grabbed Dean's hand and led him into the house.

The corridor led to the TV lounge, a spacey place with lavish decorations, their father was very fond of such things. The place was filled with book shelves and old tapes.

The Novaks were a wealthy family, their father, Carver Novak was an accomplished sales representative who didn't have much time for his children, after his mother died, Carver Novak didn't seem interested in anything other than the business.

'So you gonna take me to your bedroom or what?' Dean said in a falsely flirty tone.

Castiel signed, tugging at his hand. 'Come on'

Dean smirked.

***

'Wow, Cas' Dean said, staring in awe at Castiel's room. 'This is-this is so  _you_ '

Castiel smiled, not exactly understanding what Dean was getting at.

Dean looked around the room a bit more, running his hand along the book shelves.

Castiel cleared his throat. 'So...um should we study?'

Dean looked a bit disappointed but picked up his bag and laid out the books nevertheless.

He sat down and patted the place next to him.

***

'I still don't get it'

'It's quite easy, Dean just-'

'Can we do something else?'

Castiel huffed, it was quite clear that Dean hadn't exactly come over to improve his chemistry. He reached for the remote. 'What do you want to watch?'

Dean made himself comfortable on the bed. 'Anything, you like'

20 minutes into a documentary about bees, Dean made a beeline for the remote.

Castiel snatched it out of his reach. 'You said anything I want to watch'

Dean groaned. 'Well I din't expect you to watch a documentary on _bees_ Cas'

'What's wrong with bees?'

'It's just-there is greater stuff out there than how honey is made'

Castiel frowned, he really liked the program, bees were his favorite animal, he had been fascinated by them since he was a child.

But Dean didn't like it, he thought Castiel's tastes were stupid, which made Castiel a bit upset, it was just that since he was a child, everybody thought he was weird, they called him freak when he was a kid , he used to cry about it back then, he like to think that he was over that now and didn't care what other said about him, but the truth was he still did because it still fucking  _hurt_ and now he was fucking getting emotional over a fucking TV program, the fuck.

He handed over the remote nevertheless.

'Finally' Dean switched it to some car racing show Castiel didn't pay much attention to.

Why did he care what Dean thought of him anyway? he knew he shouldn't but he did. It hurt when Dean displayed his hate for Castiel's tastes. Well, everyone displayed their hate for Castiel's tastes so why did it hurt more so than usual when Dean did it?

'Cas, you okay?' Dean put a hand on Castiel's arm.

'I'm fine'

'No, you're not'

'Yes, I am'

'Not'

'Am'

'Not'

'I understand that you like watching cars race, but I don't find it entertaining and I want to continue the documentary we were watching but I am not asking you to because you don't like it but you think it's dumb which leads me to believe that you think I am dumb and that's what everybody thinks, well actually they think I am a freak and now you must think that too and-'

Dean cut him off with a kiss, Castiel was surprised at first but soon he relaxed into the kiss and put him arm around Dean's waist and pulled him closer. They're breath mixed and Castiel hummed contently. 

They pulled away and Dean intervened their fingers together. 'Don't you ever think that I think that'

They merrily watched the documentary after that, fingers intervened.

'Cas?'

'Hmm?'

'What's your favorite color?' Dean didn't take his eyes away from the screen.

The question struck Castiel as odd. 'Why would you want to know that?'

'No reason' Dean shrugged.

Castiel thought for a moment. 'Green'

Dean looked at him in the eye and grinned. 'Is is 'cause it's my eye color?'

'...No' Castiel said honestly, he like green because it blended in good with a lot of colors in a landscape.

Dean looked disappointed. 'Then why?'

'Because it mixes in well with landscape....' he went into a lengthy explanation about painting landscapes.

'You've really thought a lot about this haven't you?'

'I love painting, it describes abstract materials so well'

'Can I see 'em?' Dean asked suddenly.

'See what?'

'Your paintings' Dean said.

Castiel shifted, uncomfortable, he didn't normally let people see his work, he considered it to be quite private, but surely he could show Dean some of the beginners one, right?

'Sure' Castiel made his way towards one of the shelves, pulling out a sketchbook and walking back towards the bed, Dean's arm instantly went around his waist.

Castiel took a breath and flipped on to the first page.

Dean gasped. 

It was a simple picture, nothing special but Dean seemed fascinated. It was a woodland landscape to be exact.

Dean rifled through the rest. 'Wow...Cas, you're really good'

'Thank you' Castiel felt his cheeks heat up.

Dean looked him in the eye. 'Teach me'

***

'Why isn't this turning the color I want it to?'

'It's because you have added a lot of yellow'

'But you said to add more yellow!'

'I didn't tell you to empty the tube, Dean'

Dean made a frustrated noise.

Castile signed. They were standing in the middle of the room, with two painting easels Castiel had fetched from the attic.

He thought painting a forest landscape would be easy for Dean but as it turned out, Dean was worse than Anna, which was saying something.

Castiel's landscape was almost done, but Dean couldn't get past a tree.

'Look, if you try a bit more harder-'

'I'm trying hard!' Dean shook his brush in the air, trying to get rid of extra paint and splashing Castiel in the face with yellow paint in the process.

Dean's eyes widened. 'Oh crap, I'm sorry Cas I didn't mean-'

Too late, Castiel grabbed a gob of green paint and threw it a Dean, hitting him in the face. Dean wiped at it. 'Oh no you don't' He came towards Castiel smeared him with brown paint. Castiel emptied his palate on Dean's head.

Dean grabbed a tube, popped the lid and emptied the contents on Castiel.

'DEAN!'

Things escalated pretty soon after that.

'THAT WENT INTO MY EYE!'

'MY MOUTH!'

'THAT'S MY FUCKING NOSE'

'NOT THE EAR!'

Dean hurled more paint in Castiel's direction. 

Castiel grabbed Dean's forearms and wrestled him to the floor.

Then quick as lighting, he began tickling his sides.

'NO NO DON'T-HAHAAHAHA'

Dean was  _very_  ticklish, even more so than Castiel. He kicked and screamed and begged for mercy, Castiel just laughed evilly and continued torturing him.

He caught sight of Dean's face, his cheeks were red from laughing and his eyes crinkled. He looked so adorable that Castiel couldn't help but lean down and attack his lips.

Dean didn't reply immediately but then Castiel felt his lips move against his own. It started out simple enough, but took an unexpected turn when Dean wrapped an arm around Castiel's waist, needless to say Castiel couldn't find it in himself to complain.

Suddenly he was on top of Castiel, straddling him, an unfamiliar expression set on his beautiful features, Castiel couldn't decide whether he liked it or not. Dean looked downright  _hungry_.

Dean smashed his lips to Castiel's, biting his bottom lip and sucking it gently. Castiel felt as if the temperature had gone up a notch all of a sudden.

Castiel allowed Dean access. Dean kissed like he was starving, but also like every touch meant something, like he was trying to put his emotions into his gestures, trying to make Castiel _feel_ that or Castiel was seriously horny. It was as if someone had lit a fire in Castiel's chest, suddenly he wanted to have all of Dean, feel him and connect with him in every way possible. His hands found their way to Dean's hair and he tugged at the strands.

Dean moved from his mouth to plant kisses along Castiel's jaw, his breath hot on Castiel's skin.

Castiel tugged harder at Dean's hair, their kisses had never grown this passionate.

Dean's mouth found Castiel's neck and he bit down.

_'...Dean'_

Dean ran his tongue over the spot, soothing it slightly and Castiel squirmed underneath him.

Dean made his way towards Castiel's lips again, joining their mouths in a sweet kiss but there was passion behind it. Dean's hand found their way to edge of Castiel's shirt, his hands made contact with Castiel's bare skin and Castiel gasped and Dean took the opportunity to deepen the kiss.

This is what he wanted, he  _wanted_  Dean, he didn't love him or whatever, physical pleasure the only thing to come of his and Dean's relationship, The only thing Dean Winchester was good for. Castiel tried to ignore the wave of hurt the thought bought him.

Dean stopped tugging at Castiel's shirt. His eyes were darkened with lust.

'I...um-look Cas...I don't think we should do this...'

'What?' Castiel asked, shocked at Dean's refusal at something they both desperately wanted.

Dean fidgeted nervously.'I mean I  _want_  to but...' he took a deep breath 'I think we should wait'

'Why?' Castiel almost growled.

'I mean we've only been together for what? a friggin' week Cas' 

The uncomfortably sensible words broke the spell that had woven over him.

He intervened their fingers together. 'I don't want this to be like the thousands of fucked up relationships I've had, I've never felt this amazing in any one of those'

He squeezed his hand. 'I like you a lot, you make me happy, you make me laugh, you're smart and kinda awkward in the most endearing way possible and your smile alone can make my day' Dean said. 'I want this to work like I've never wanted anything before'

Castiel stayed there, in shock.

He couldn't believe what he was hearing, Dean wanted to make this work, he didn't want to have sex with Castiel this quick even though he desired it, instead he wanted his relationship with Castiel to be more profound. This was the exact opposite of the Dean Winchester Castiel had always imagined him to be. Deep down he had known that Dean was better than that, but he tried to push that down as much as he could. Now it was clear to him, he liked Dean.

He like how Dean always pecked Castiel before leaving off to classes, he like how Dean valued his opinion, he liked how he went out of his way to spend time with Castiel and Castiel could count on forever about all the things he loved about Dean  _fucking_  Winchester.

Maybe...maybe there was hope for this, maybe Castiel and Dean could make it up and their relationship could actually develop into something more profound. Castiel resisted the urge to sign happily at the thought.

Then he thought of Anna, crying and heartbroken. He thought of how she would feel if she found out that Castiel was considering _this._

He snapped back into the real world.

Dean deserved punishment for breaking Anna's heart.

This was it. Dean was officially gone on him. This was the moment Castiel had dreamed of when he slammed Dean against that locker. This was the final finish. The time to break it off.

The time to break Dean's heart into pieces.

Castiel pushed Dean off him, a sudden determination welling up inside him.

Dean stood up, looking at him expectantly, Castiel didn't meet his eyes.

He took a deep breath.

'Dean, I want you to leave'

'What?'

'I am breaking this off, it never could have worked anyway'

Dean looked shell shocked, hurt slowly making it's way towards his features.

He tried to grab Castiel's arm but Castiel shoved him off. 'I said  _leave_ ' He spat coldly.

'Cas what are you-'

'I don't feel the same way about you, please leave me alone and don't try to contact me, ever again' Castiel felt empty as the words came out, it felt as if he were hearing someone else say them.

He couldn't bear to look at Dean in the eye.

He heard a quite 'okay' and footsteps before the door slammed shut.

Mission Accomplished, then.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> life, man. Sorry

 

Dean didn't feel anything as he exited Castiel's house, started the engine and made his way towards his home.

He didn't feel anything when when his mother called out to ask how it went or when Sammy made fun of him, something about his boyfriend.

He locked the door to his room and crashed on the bed.

A single tear rolled down his cheek.

He had fucked it up.

He had fucked up the best thing that had ever happened to him.

He didn't understand why Castiel did that quite so suddenly after Dean expressed his desire to make more of their relationship. What a dick.

Maybe he had just been playing Dean around, not really interested in any thing other than sex. Well, that'a what it seemed like anyway. But that so did not sound like the Cas Dean had got to know other the last few days.

He had never expected Cas to be as amazing on the inside as the outside, he was smart, sassy, hot and adorable at the same time, and Dean found himself unable to stop smiling whenever he was around that fucker, he just felt so amazing when he was with him, as if he could be himself without any restrain.

He remembered those few days they'd been together. It had felt like something had clicked, like the world had come into a higher definition and the colors had turned brighter, it had felt so good and Dean  _knew_  something would eventually fall apart because things couldn't stay this perfect for long.

He still couldn't get it, Castiel seemed happy too, really happy, or maybe he was just the best fucking actor in existence.

  He remembered the feel of Castiel's lips on his own and almost let out a sob.   

Dean wanted to forgot, all of it, he wanted things to go back to how they were, a part of him wished desperately that all of this was a dream, that Castiel was still his.

But he knew that wasn't true, Castiel had played him and left him heartbroken.

He felt like his throat was closing up.

Castiel had only wanted sex, that's who he truly was.. Dean wondered how many other people that bastard had fooled, with his stupid blue eyes and his stupid head tilt and that  _stupid_ deep voice of his.

Dean couldn't believe how foolish he had been, how could he fall for it?

Suddenly all his sadness had been replaced by rage.

 _Murderous rage_.

 _No_  Dean decided, Castiel Novak was not worth mourning over, he was a sick dick and didn't deserve it.

Dean wouldn't give him that.

_***_

'YOU WHAT!?'

'You knew how I was going to proceed with this Charlie'

'But I thought...didn't you?...' Charlie seemed utterly flabbergasted.

Castiel clenched his jaw, he seriously did not need Charlie telling him what he did was stupid when he had just spent two hours throwing things around his room and  _he did not want to think why._

He was only telling Charlie because...well she was Charlie.

'Cas, how can you be so fucking stupid!?' she almost screamed.

Castiel's eyes stung. What had been so stupid about the decision anyway? he had played Dean, like Dean played everybody, like he had played his sister.

He deserved it. 

Then why did every fibre within his body was telling him otherwise?why did he had the overwhelming urge to take out his phone, call Dean and take it all back? why did he feel like crying?

He had lost Dean now, he had wanted to loose Dean, it was done. There was no going back.

'What was so stupid about proceeding how I had planned?!' he picked at his nails, a nervous habit.

'You're telling me you don't see it?! the dude was gone on you Cas! I mean-he actually  _loved_ you, you don't get people like that, that easily in life! you would be batshit to them go!'

Castiel's heart sank. He had been trying to deny it, the possibility that Dean Winchester was in love with him. Yet he couldn't. It made something warm well up inside him. 

He wanted it to be a lie. He so desperately wanted Winchester to be the asshole Castiel had always taken him for.

But he wasn't, God he was anything but.

'That's not true' Castiel's voice was weak and unsure.

'Are you bonkers!?' Charlie yelled. 'And you know what? YOU LOVE HIM TOO!'

Castiel's jaw dropped.  _No fucking way._ He was not in love with Dean, NO. He might've developed a liking to him but that did not mean he loved him. Love was a one time thing, something you can only share with one person in your life and it can never die, not even if that person goes away, Dean was certainly not _that_.

Then why did it feel like Castiel was trying to convince himself more than anything?

Charlie looked at his expression and her shoulders slumped. 'I got something to do, I'll see you later' Charlie lied, before storming off.

Castiel felt emptier then ever, but he couldn't bring himself up to care.

He fell face first in to the bed.

Dean  _had_  loved him, he had wanted his relationship with Cas to be about more than physical intimation. Dean had cared about him like nobody did, his siblings cared about him of course, but Dean did it in an entirely different way. He made Castiel feel special, and sometimes he looked at Castiel with this light in his beautiful eyes that Castiel couldn'thelp but kiss him. Everything Castiel said, Dean paid his utmost attention, never cutting off Castiel's annoying rambles nobody seemed interested in.He never cut Castiel off.  _Never_.

And Castiel felt so  _blissful_  when he was with Dean, he felt lighter, all his worries seem to fade, Dean made him laugh so  _Goddamn_  hard. Dean  made him feel nervous and calm at the same time. The world seemed to dissolve whenever he was with him.

But what was the point of thinking this now? he had fucked up. There was no going back.

He felt it the moment Dean stepped out of that door. He had realized it then.

He didn't want Dean to go.

Charlie had made it worse.

His eyes fell on his phone, he picked it up.

His eyes lingered on the number.

He threw the phone across the room.

***

Castiel slammed the locker shut.

He felt someone walk up to him, for a crazy, hopeful moment he thought it be Dean.

'Hey, Cas 'bout what happened yesterday, I'm sorry' Charlie's tone was gentle as she reached Cas.

'It's okay' even thought it so wasn't, what Charlie had said had haunted him all night long.

'You okay?' Charlie said, voice filled with concern.

'Yeah, just tired' Castiel rubbed at his eyes,  _only half true._

Charlie seemed obviously relieved at the fact that Castiel had forgiven her, she began talking aimlessly about  _Lord Of The Rings_ , trying to distract him, and Castiel was grateful for that, he really was, but there was just so much on his mind right now.

What as he to do now? should he try to get Dean back? what about Anna. Castiel's throat tightened.  _Anna._ How would Anna feel about this?.

He wanted to forget everything and at the same time,he wanted to go to Dean and beg him for forgiveness, forgiveness he had no right to.

At some point, he had considered it and thought that it might work.

But then Dean had told him that he wanted his relationship with Castiel to be real and he had felt an amazing confirmation for those feelings but then felt so scared at the overwhelming feelings that filled him, he was terrified at how much he  _wanted_  it. Then he had thought about Anna and suddenly her devastated face was the only thing he could think of.

 _No,_  it didn't matter now, he would do his best to forget Dean and things will turn back to how they were before, accept now Dean wont hit on Castiel, the thought made a knot tie up in Castiel's stomach.

************************

English class, the one class Castiel had been dreading. because that was the class he shared with Dean Winchester. But today, he was dreading it for a completely different reason.

Dean was in his usual seat, doodling away at some paper.

When Castiel walked in, their eyes met for a fraction of second, Castiel didn't see the usual color in them, the light that lit up whenever he looked at Castiel. 

Castiel sat at the only empty seat he could find, which wasn't that far from Dean, he could see Dean's back from where he was stuck with April again, who shared this class with him too.

Dean didn't look at him the whole time the teacher talked, Castiel couldn't pay attention.

A part of him wanted to walk up to Dean and say he was sorry and kiss him, maybe Dean would kiss him back, maybe he would understand that Castiel-

'Hello?! Castiel-are you listening to me?' April waved her hand at Castiel's face.

Castiel huffed annoyed, April was a very pretty girl, with long red hair and big eyes, he might've liked her if not for the fact that she was the single most annoying human being to ever exist, she never understood when a person needed personal space, instead she talked and talked and flirted in such obscene way it made Castiel want to puke.

He may have liked her, at some point. She might've been his first crush, but then he actually got to know her and all went to shit from there.

'Yes, I am indeed paying attention'

'Yeah, so I was wondering' She twirled a strand of hair in her finger.'I'm really having trouble in bio, you're very good, you could come over and tutor me' she winked.

Out of the corner of his eye, he thought he saw Dean tense up.

'No, I-I am fairly busy, sorry' Castiel said, not sounding sorry at all.

April pouted but continued with her annoying banter anyway.

Castiel signed, his thoughts drifted back to the time him and Dean had heatedly made out in Castiel's room.

He had been sure that was the moment he was about to loose his virginity, and he had wanted it, desperately, but at the same time, he had felt something scaly coil up in his stomach, because he knew that if they did this, it would confirm his opinion about Dean, that he only wanted to get in Castiel's pants, and Castiel had tried to tell himself that he was fine with that, that that was all he wanted from Dean, but the truth was, that wasn't it at all. He  _wanted_  it, but that wasn't all he wanted. He wanted to watch movies with Dean, have pointless arguments with him,  wanted to curl up next to Dean and read books while Dean listened attentively, playing with Castiel's hair, he wanted to be able to talk to Dean, to laugh with him,  _God_  he wanted so much more. And when Dean had said no, Castiel had felt this happy feeling in his stomach(along with a tiny hint of disappointment) that Dean was different than he'd imagined, that Dean was so much better. But then had thought of Anna, of what she might think if Castiel started dating Dean for real, and that mixed with the overwhelming feeling that he might be  _falling_  for Dean had been enough for Castiel to ruin it all.

The bell rang, and Castiel felt a twinge of disappointment at not being able to do anything.

Dean didn't acknowledge him when they he left the class.

Charlie and Castiel didn't sit at Dean's table like they'd been doing for some time.

Charlie seemed a bit upset by it but she did her best to cover that up for Castiel's sake, and didn't mention Dean.

Benny, Jo and Kevin all glanced at their table from time to time. Dean didn't.

That  _hurt_. Dean didn't seem a bit fazed by anything, he acted like it wasn't bothering him at all. It made Castiel realize that he was the  _pathetic_  one, Dean didn't need him as much as Castiel needed Dean.

And that made Castiel  _mad_.

***

He slammed his fist into the door.

He tried, he really did. But he could not get Dean out of his head, all of his words and his  _stupid_ laugh and his hurt face when Castiel had kicked him out kept coming back and everything, every damn thing sent a twinge of pain up his system.

He should never had agreed to date Dean, he should've let it go. Things could've been the same, he never would've had to know Dean and like him. 

This whole thing had backfired, Castiel had broken his own heart.

_'It's part of you, and I like all of you'_

Castiel held back a sob, he turned on the TV, it played a rerun of the same documentary he had watched with Dean, he changed the channel to some Harry Potter movie he couldn't pay attention to. His phone buzzed, Charlie had called seven times and left 23 text messages.

He picked up.

'What the FUCK is wrong with you?! I thought you were dead or something! is everything okay?you want me to come over?! are you sick? Cas, if this is about what I said yesterday then I am sorry I wasn't-'

'Charlie, calm down, I'm okay the phone was one silent'

Charlie huffed, unconvinced. 'Cas, ARE you okay?'

'I'm fine'

'Please don't lie to me Cas'

Castiel signed and before he could help it everything came pouring out. He told her everything, how he couldn't get Dean out of his mind, how he felt guilty for considering a relationship with Dean. And just... _Dean,_  he told her about him, how his laugh made Castiel smile, how he his blush was so visible, how he payed so much attention to Castiel. He told her how he had come to realize that Dean wasn't the type of person to Castiel had thought him to be, how he was the most caring person ever, talking about Dean made Castiel feel so much better, he couldn't help but smile. He shakingly told her about the point where he had screwed everything, but didn't want to regret it,because of what Anna might think.

Charlie listened attentively, for once not interrupting, when he finished Charlie signed.

'Castiel, I know you love Anna...but this guy? he is the Solo to your Leia, I wanted to tell you this before but I thought you'd get mad me, Dean is a great guy Cas, you see that too, just don't admit it. He is still in love with you, and you... You were....different when you were with him, you smiled and laughed more, he makes you feel happy, Anna will come to see that too, I'm sure of it, just....give him chance, give yourself a chance' 

Castiel couldn't form any words when he did it came out like: 'Yeah, thanks I'll talk to you later, bye, Charles'

Charlie sighed. 'Bye Cas'

Castiel put down the phone and contemplated what Charlie had said.

Will Anna really respond the way Charlie had predicted? she loved Castiel, but  _No_  he couldn't expect her to make this sacrifice for him, she didn't deserve this.

Dean had  _hurt_ her,  _Nothing_  could change that. He had made her think that she wasn't good enough.

Maybe Castiel could get over him, it was his first heartbreak, it wont last forever.

Then he thought of Dean, his sweet words and his beautiful smile.

He clutched the bed sheet tight.

It was going to take one hell of a time.

He was woken from his thoughts by a knock on the door.

'Come in'

Anna stepped in gingerly, toying with the hem of her hot pink tee shirt.

'Is everything okay?' he voice tight with concern.

'Yeah I just...' she took a deep breath. 'We need to talk'

Castiel motioned for her to come sit next to him, his heart pounding.

'So, Cas, hows it going?' she said nervously.

'Anna, you and I both know that is not what you came to talk about'

Anna huffed. 'Straight to business then'

Castiel rested a hand of his thigh, a feeling of increasing nervousness coursed through him.

'You haven't been out of your room ages, Cas. You haven't ate with the family since lunch yesterday, Gabe is starting to get concerned'

'It's just, I'll be-'

'Don't bother' Anna waved her hand in the air. 'I know what this is about'

Castiel's breath hitched.

'You loved him, didn't you?' Anna whispered. Castiel was a bit surprised with the lack of accusation in her tone.

'It has got nothing to do-'

'Just answer the question' Anna was giving him that look, the please-don't-lie-to-me-or-I'll-cry look, and looking into her eyes Castiel couldn't bring himself to either. Him and Anna had a more than perfect bother/sister relationship, they depended on each other more than anybody, and never hid anything.

'Yes'

Anna didn't seem surprised, if anything, her eyes softened.'I know Cas, you haven't been the same since the break up'

Castiel was about to say something but Anna cut him off. 'You know, when I asked him out, what did he say?'

'That it was nothing serious...?'

'Yeah but aside from that he told me that....he liked _you_  very much, and even if he had a snowballs chance at winning you, he didn't want to lose it by dating your sister and that he was... _really_  sorry'

Castiel's eyes widened. 'Why didn't you tell me?'

She fidgeted nervously. 'I-I was embarrassed and angry and...I...I wanted you to do what you did Cas'

Castiel didn't know what to do with this information, it changed a huge chunk of his opinion of the situation. Dean had _apologized_ , he had rejected Anna because he wanted to be with Castiel...

Anna looked up at him. 'But, not now, you love him, Cas, he makes you happy, I see that now, and I-I'm sorry I ruined that...' tears gathered in her eyes.

'It's okay Anna' he pulled her into her arms, she wound her arms around Castiel and held him close.

'No, it's not okay' she said pulling away. 'There's still time, you can still apologize to him, he will forgive you' she wiped her eyes.

'But, he-he hurt you...'

'I was naive, I took a small gesture too seriously, I overreacted, but I'm over that now' she smiled.

Anna took Castiel's hand in her own. 'He's the one for you Cas, you were so happy when you were with him, I want you to be happy, Cas, that's all I care about, not some stupid revenge'. she looked him in the eye.

Castiel couldn't believe, Anna actually wanted him to....

Castiel sighed, even with all the problems out of the way, what could be done now? he had ruined it, there was no fixing it.

'There is nothing that can be done now, it's too late' Castiel managed.

'It's never too late'

'It is now'

Anna cupped his face and forced him to look into her eyes.

'You are going to get him to see that you love him, Cas, no matter what it takes. We both have been stupid, it's time to fix it' 

'YO ANNA!'

'Gabe's here, I'll see you later, think over what I have just said'

Castiel smiled at her, his amazing little sister.

Before going she poked her head back in.'and you're having dinner with us today, hmm?'

'Yeah, okay'

As Castiel sat there contemplating what Anna had just said, a feeling of determination set over him. If he couldn't get Dean back, he could at least apologize and tell Dean the reason behind his actions, he owed him that. 

He was in love with Dean, and he was going to make him see that, no matter  _what_.

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

Charlie smiled at him encouragingly as he made his way towards her.

She was leaning against the locker, headphones in her ears.

She wore a Marvel tee shirt and dark blue jeans, she always wore stuff like that. Nobody in the whole school knew where she got her merchandise.

'So, you on with it or are...chicken?' Her tone was light, but Castiel sensed hardness behind the words.

He had called her explained everything.

To say that Castiel was nervous was a huge understatement, he was  _trembling_. He had been awake the whole night, yet he couldn't think of what he was about to do, he had a slight idea, how hard could an apology be anyway? he would tell Dean to forgive him and explain the whole situation, he would confess his feelings to him. It wasn't too late. Dean's feelings had been strong, there was no denying it, and they were still there, Dean will surely see that too and this time Castiel will give it his best shot.

 _Yes_ He did love Dean, although love was a strong word. Castiel wasn't sure what to call the feeling. It was clearly not only sexual as he had thought it out to be, there was definitely something _more_. Way more and Castiel wished he would get the opportunity to exploit it. Although he doubted it.

But he was _scared_. What if Dean had changed his mind? what will Castiel do then? how will he even get himself to talk to Dean in the first place?

'Hey Cas, you still there?' 

'Yes, I 'm...fine'

Charlie clasped his hands in her own. 'It will go fine Cas, don't worry'

'How can I not?'

'You love him Cas, there is no denying it, so what's the point of worrying?'

Castiel looked into her eyes, trying to believe what she had said.

'Look, I'm no expert, all I know is that...it's worth a shot'

Castiel managed a small smile. 'I...yes'

The bell rang. Charlie stood on her tip toes and kissed him on the cheek'For luck', a lot of new students assumed that Castiel and Charlie were dating, they didn't even bother dissing the rumors anymore. The others knew that Charlie was gay as fuck and Castiel saw her as a little sister.

Castiel went through the day without paying any attention, the whole day he was planning on what he was going to do.

Dean would say yes, right? he would surely understand....will he even give Castiel chance to speak? Anna and Charlie's words echoed through his mind and for a moment he felt reassured, maybe this _could_ work, after all.

During some time before the break, he headed to the boy's room, splashing water over his face in an attempt to calm down, his next class was English, this was his chance, he had to confront Dean after class and get him to go somewhere private with him, then he could...whatever.

As he was about to make his way out of the room someone walked in, Castiel whirled around and his eyes met with a familiar green.

Only this time, they weren't beaming at him like they usually did, instead they looked angry. Angrier than Castiel had ever seen them.

Dean wore a red plaid shirt over a black tee and ripped jeans, he looked stunning like always, only this time Castiel was allowed to appreciate it.

Dean's composure was tense as he began making his way towards a cubicle.

He had been avoiding him ever since the break up, barely even looking at him. Not that Castiel did either, but now, he was willing to let his walls fall, to let Dean know how much he meant to him, to pour it all out, screw the embarrassment, he would be so damn relieved to let it all out.

Now, this was the moment, he hadn't planned on it, but he had a feeling in his gut that it was now or never, his breath caught in his throat, his face felt as though it was on fire.

'D-Dean?' he called out hesitantly.

Dean didn't turn immediately, when he did his expression was simple. 'Yeah?' his tone came out as nonchalant.

And Castiel knew that he should be relieved that Dean was not angry at him, this could've been so much worse but somehow hearing Dean talk to him without anything in his tone hurt. Whenever Dean talked to Castiel, there was just  _something_  there, Castiel didn't know what, but it seemed like something significant and profound. And now Dean's voice sounded like he was talking to any other person in the school.

'I-we need to talk' Castiel bawled, he stepped closer.

Dean raised an eyebrow and Castiel thought it would've been better if Dean displayed anger towards him, at least he would know that Dean was effected by what had passed between them.

'What do you wanna talk about?' Dean said, stepping closer.

Castiel took a deep breath. 'You know what this is about, Dean'

For the tiniest moment, he thought he saw something flash across Dean's eyes was it...hope? whatever it was it was gone as soon as it appeared.

'Oh really? No, I honestly don't'

Castiel felt the remaining confidence drain out of him, he wanted to say so much to Dean but couldn't find it in himself to do anything but stare hopelessly at him.

'I-I just-'

'Just wanted to what?apologize to wanting to use me?'

'It's-it's not like that' oh  _no_  this was so not going the way he had planned, at the moment he just wanted to be in the confines of his safe room and forget that all of this ever happened.

'It's not-it's not like that, Dean I-' Castiel swallowed. 'Please, let's just go back,  _please_ ' He couldn't manage to say more than that, he couldn't think of anything to say. All the words of apology and explanation were washed away by regret.

Dean's mask crumbled, and everything poured out. This features were etched with pain, resistance, sadness, anger and so much more. He looked like  _Dean_ now, but not the Dean Castiel had grown used to, he looked tired and wiry, and it all just looked so  _wrong_  on his usually beaming face. He looked so damn  _broken_. 'Cas...' he croaked.

Castiel didn't seem to have any control of his body as he took a step closer to Dean and pressed their lips together.

For a moment he didn't react, and Castiel felt panic shooting through him. But then he felt Dean's lips move against his own.

Dean kissed back.

And Castiel felt a surge of joy and relief shoot through him. He kissed Dean harder, clutching at his plaid shirt. He relished the feeling of having Dean pressed so close to him, he felt so  _content_. This is where he belonged, why hadn't he seen that before? kissing Dean just felt so... _right,_  it was as if their bodies were made for each other. Castiel licked at seam of Dean's mouth, expecting him to open up like he had done every other time, only this time, he didn't.

Dean pushed Castiel away from him,  _hard_.

'What the _hell_  do you think you're doing?!'Dean barked.

Castiel felt a drop in his stomach. 'I was-I was just'

'It's  _over_  now, I don't want you back, we're done! don't even  _try_ to do something like that,  _ever again_ , you understand me?' Dean glowered, his eyes were wet. Castiel felt himself shrinking.

'Dean, please I was just trying to-'

I don't care about what you were trying to do, okay!?' Dean snapped, not meeting Castiel's eyes. He looked angrier than Castiel had ever seen him.

Castiel felt a surge of desperation shoot through him,  _Dean_  was the one denying his emotions now. and Castiel was so  done with that.Dean started to make his way out of the room but Castiel grabbed his forearm.

Dean's eyes met his and it all came pouring out. 'I-I am _sorry_  Dean, I am _so_ sorry, I still care about you, give me another chance,  _please_ '

Dean looked at him long and hard, his face completely blank, but his eyes told a different story, there was a shine of undeniable hope in them and Castiel thought that maybe, _maybe_  there was still a chance. Just then Dean snatched his arm away.

'I don't need to hear your pathetic excuse of an apology right now, save it' He stormed out, closing the door with much more force than needed.

Castiel just stood there unable to feel anything, that is until a wave of melancholy washed over him.

* * *

 

It was one thing to feel sad or angry, feeling sad and angry was crappy enough, but having to deal with sadness, anger and confusion was the wad of bullshit Dean was having to put up with right now.

He found himself unable to concentrate on anything other than total chaos going in his brain.

God, he had been so focused on getting the Castiel out of his grapefruit, and then the fucker waltz back in and ruins _everything_.

Every single thought of restrain went down of his mind when Castiel's lips touched his, he felt like he was in a dream, he flashed back to all those time he had had Castiel to himself. It was the overwhelming happiness the action had brought him that he managed to snap out of it.

He was trying to get  _over_ him. Did Castiel think that an apology and a make out session was going to make all the pain he had given Dean go away? What was the point of it anyway? Castiel was using him, he didn't like Dean the way Dean liked him. _At all,_  he was willing to bet it was far away from that as possible.

The night of the break up, Dean had decided to give it his best shot, he  _would_  get over him. It was a matter of time. The next day, he tried to ignore the pang of hurt he had felt when Castiel didn't even look at him. Well, whatever, if Castiel wasn't interested anymore, that should make getting over him easier.

But really, it didn't. In Some deep, dark part of his brain Dean knew that he couldn't. No one was ever going to make him feel what he had felt when he was with Cas. He wondered if he was even capable of feeling that anymore.

The school passed in a blur Dean couldn't care less about, his friends tried to talk to him, but he waved them off.

When he got home, he didn't say hello to his Mom or Sammy, he crashed on his bed instead.

What the _fuck_  was wrong with him? Why couldn't he get the image of Cas pleading to him out of his head? it was  _fake_. Like all of it had been. But his thoughts always drifted to the same place.  _What if it wasn't_.

What if Castiel was really sorry? and had a reasonable reason to break up with him? what would have happened if Dean had said yes and given him a chance? they could've forgotten all of this and go  _back_. He could see Cas everyday again and kiss him whenever. They could've had the future he had imagined.

Okay back up, Dean was not that type of guy, but the idea of settling down with Cas was just so beautiful, he found himself imagining what it would feel like to wake up next to him every morning and be with him forever. To live the normal apple pie life that without Cas's smile seemed empty.

Dean clenched his fists, _It was fake,_ all of it.

He flashed back to the he had first seen him.

**_******Flashback******_ **

_'Watch it' Dean said roughly, after bumping in a boy age to his way to his biology class._

_The boy met his eyes, they were a stunning shade of blue, and Dean found himself momentarily lost in them._

_'I am watching a jerk, why don't_ you _watch where you're going?' the boy replied heatedly._

_Dean's brain(as per usual) stopped functioning as soon as he took in the painfully attractive boy in front of him._

_He wore a dark blue sweater vest over a white button down(who the fuck dresses like that?) but boy, did he pull it off. He was lean and almost as tall as Dean, he radiated a calm and steady vibe. But the hair ruined the whole impression, they were dark and stuck up in inhuman angles, and Dean wondered who he had just had a quickie with?,the guy didn't seem the type though, so Dean guessed he must have had natural sex hair, his toned skin had a permanent rosy glow around the cheeks. In other words, he was definitely the hottest guy Dean had seen in a while, Dean prayed to all the Gods above this dude wasn't straight._

_'I-I uh sure, sorry' Dean stuttered, it always took him some time to recover his senses after seeing a hot dude, girls were easy, guys were the ones that made him unable to talk in proper sentences._

_The boy raised an eye brow, probably amused at Dean's reaction to him and Dean felt a weird spark of interest in his chest he had never felt for anyone before, girl or boy. 'It's okay'_

_The hot-dude-with-ridiculously-blue-eyes made his way towards what Dean assumed must be his locker and started fumbling with the key._

_Dean was torn, should he just straight out leave, or try to charm him?_

_'Hey, I'm Dean, you new here?'_

_He looked back at Dean and Dean was mesmerized by the sight of those beautiful eyes again, was it sky? or ocean? 'Castiel, and yes I'm fairly new to this facility' his voice was deep and rough  and Dean had to admit, it was pretty damn sexy._

_'So, Castiel? weird name, I kinda like it' Dean said, always the charmer._

_'Thank you' Castiel smiled slightly, his cheeks a bit red. He looked even more beautiful when he smiled, it was gone as soon as it appeared and Dean wanted to see it again, the thought of making Castiel smile made his heart do jumping jacks._

_'Wait, I think I've seen you somewhere, aren't you in my English class?'_

_'That is correct'  Castiel nodded. Who the hell talks like that? nevertheless, Dean thought it was quite endearing._

_The bell rang. 'So I guess I'll see you around?' Dean sounded hopeful, even to himself._

_'Sure' Castiel said before walking off._

_Not the best meeting ever, but things change, and Dean was sure he could make this guy fall for him. Castiel had smiled at him after all._

_In days that eventually turned into months, Dean realized Castiel would probably never fall for him, he on the other hand, fell harder than ever. Castiel was just so different._

_It wasn't just his looks, it was the whole of him that was breathtakingly amazing and fascinating, and Dean felt himself drawn to him like moth to a fire._

_A very beautiful fire._

_*******End of Flashback********** _

Dean felt a pang in his heart at the memory.

He wished Castiel had never become a part of his life in the first place.

 _What if he was really sorry?_  the haunting thought came back to him. And Dean felt more helpless than ever.

_It's too late._

There was no fixing it, his thoughts drifted back to the hurt look on Cas's face, and before he knew it tears were gathering in his eyes.

He recalled the feel of Cas pressed up against him, he didn't remember being this content in like...ever, he longed for so so much, it was like a physical pain in his heart.

He loved Cas, he realized.

It was actual love he felt for the fucker, out of all the beings on the planet he had to fall for the fall who had to break his heart.

His eyes fell toward his phone, he picked it up, deleting any messages that had  _Cas_  on them. If he read them, he might give in and end up even broken, No. He wont do that to himself, the temptation was too much but he had to get over it. It had to be over.

Dean stood, there was only one thing that would help him think straight.

He grabbed his car keys and jacket and headed outside.

Away for a ride.

* * *

 

Mary Winchester stared worriedly at her eldest son as he made his way towards the door, bidding her a quick goodbye,she  nearly cut off her finger while slicing the tomatoes.

'I really wish I could help, in  _any_  way'

Sam Winchester nodded in agreement from the couch, Dean had been moping around the house and wont talk about it, Sam of course knew what this was about,  _Castiel_.

He had seemed so nice, why change colors so suddenly? Sam knew his brother could be annoying but not the type of annoying that led to break ups. And Castiel seemed to like Dean very much. Sam wasn't stupid, he knew there was a solid reason behind Castiel's actions.

If it had been anybody else Sam would've rolled his eyes and thought.  _Teenagers and their stupid heart breaks_  but this was Castiel, and Dean had it bad for him.

Sam couldn't stand to see his brave bother so broken. Mary had tried to talk to him, so had Sam. Dean wouldn't budge, he wasn't the one to talk about his feelings. John thought that Dean was just being a sissy and would get over it.

Sam wasn't so sure.

He saw how Dean was when he was with Castiel, how his eyes shone brightly and he smiled more.

Sam loved his brother, he had looked up to him since forever, and Dean had been the one to help and defend him every step along the way. there might have different opinions about a lot of things, but Sam would do anything for his big bro, _anything_.

And now, seeing Dean like this, Sam wanted to do nothing more than to fix him.

If only there was something he could do for his brother.


	11. Chapter 11

Castiel avoided going to school the next day. Charlie called, Castiel told her he was fine, she insisted he tell her the truth. He told her it didn't work out, and that Dean had moved on.

Charlie offered to come over, she tried to make him feel better, he knew she was concerned but he couldn't bring himself to care. Castiel just nodded, not paying any kind of attention.

Anna came over, again and again, he told her the same he had told Charlie, Anna tried to reassure him, telling him that it was just a heartbreak, he would get over it, she was there for him, he didn't feel anything as the words washed over him. No, it seemed like the outside world didn't have much affect on him.

His inner turmoil on the other hand....

He felt tired, exhausted, he was done with crying and feeling helpless, now he just felt...empty.

The day Dean had ended in on his side, Castiel had felt chaos. His mind was a blur of so many emotions mixed together, anger, sadness, regret, panic and just...mess.   
He cried, a lot. Anna and Gabriel tried to talk to him but he didn't let them in. He had felt so much that day, now he felt numb from sadness.

The tears still came, but not frequently. It was like being in a restless sleep. Sleeping one moment, then waking up suddenly.

He stared at the ceiling from his bed. Hie eyes fell on the crumpled piece of paper on which Dean had practically emptied his yellow tube.

Suddenly, he was crying again, not sobbing, just tears, he felt pathetic when the sounds came out, so he tried to be silent.

He thought for the millionth time what life would be like if he had not broken up with him, they would still be together and Castiel would still have something other to distract him in English class other than Dean's tense behavior. It was all just a huge mess.

He imagined what it would be like, to have Dean by his side, always saying stupid words of encouragement, and acting like a five year old and using cheap pick up lines even though they were together just because. But at the same time, making Castiel feel special and loved by just...being.

He broke into sobbing.

His brain felt like mush and he just wanted it to...end. He wanted to sleep and not be plagued by nightmares of Dean telling him that he didn't want Castiel anymore. He imagined being able to sleep peacefully again, the thought was unreachable.

_He woke up and wrapped in warm, strong arms. He turned and came face to face with a smiling Dean. Sunlight streamed from the open window, bathing his face with a sunny hue. He looked beautiful._

_'Hey' he mumbled, his breath tickled on Castiel's lips._

_'Hello Dean' Castiel yawned. Dean pulled him closer and Castiel allowed himself to be enveloped in Dean's blissful warmth. His green eyes twinkled._

' _You're beautiful' Dean said slowly, as if mesmerized. Castiel blushed, and Dean leaned in and kissed him._

_They just gazed at each other in comfortable silence, not saying anything._

_A soft smile played on Dean's lips, his green eyes were illuminated by the sun light, making the amazing colour look even better, Castiel moved his gaze from Dean's eyes and gave a try at counting his freckles._

_Dean's other hand found it's way to Castiel's hair._

_Dean played with the tips, mussing it up gently. Castiel hummed in contentment. In that moment he thought he could stay like this forever._

_'Cas...' Dean whispered._

_'Yes Dean?'_

_'You called me Dean' Dean grinned his boyish grin._

_Castiel pulled him closer and kissed him gently, Dean's lips moved against his own, Castiel relished the warm feeling of having Dean this close, he smelled like...Dean, there was no other way to put it._

_Dean's hand rubbed soothing circles at Castiel's back._

_They pulled away for air, and Dean nuzzled at Castiel's cheek, kissing it gently, he then moved to his eyelids and Castiel closed his eyes and just...breathed. Taking it all in, he felt so content and so relaxed, he wished he could stop the time and freeze this moment forever._ _He could live with that._

_Dean kissed his forehead lovingly. 'You're awesome' he mumbled._ _His lips moving against Castiel's forehead._

_Castiel chuckled. 'You're awesome too, Dean'_

_Dean buried his face in Castiel's neck. His hot breath arousing an relaxing at the same time._

_'I don't want to get up' He said softly._

' _Me neither'_

_'I wish we could...I don't know, stay like this forever' Dean kissed his neck slowly._

_Castiel sighed, melting in the touch. 'I wish that too'_

_Dean pulled away suddenly and Castiel mourned the loss, his eyes looked sad and gloomy._ _The gleam from minutes ago gone._

_'But we can't, Cas' he said softly_ _._

The room faded away and Castiel woke with a start. He looked at the clock on the wall. 3:00. He had told Anna he would be there for dinner in twenty.

He turned and felt the cold empty space.

The pictures from his dream came back to him.

He imagined all of it being true, imagined waking up next to Dean and spending lazy hours of the morning in bed together, talking in hushed whispers even though they are alone, and stealing gentle,soft kisses from time to time.

A wave of intense regret washed over him.

He tried to wash it down, to not get teary eyed. He held it back and forced himself o go back to sleep.

He cried his way to sleep.

***

Charlie grabbed him by the shoulders as soon as he reached the locker.

Her eyes were so fierce, Castiel thought for sure she was going to punch him, or at least yell at him. But then, she pulled him into a tight hug.

Castiel melted against her, the feel of a warm body so addictive. For a moment he felt all of his problems melting away, he felt the relaxation of  _relief_. He had missed this so much.

Charlie rubbed his back. 'hey...hey it's okay, Cas, I'm here' she said, her voice muffled by Castiel's sweater vest.

Castiel didn't know how long they were hugging, it seemed like hours.

'Thanks' he sniffed. 'I needed that'

'It's okay Cas, if you want we can skip today okay?' she said gently, rubbing his arm.

'Yeah, I just..' he chuckled, and hugged her again. 'Thanks, thank you so much'

Charlie laughed gently. 'What for?' she said as Castiel pulled away.

'For just....being..you' he said, realizing how true the words coming out of his mouth were.

Charlie grinned. 'C'mon, the bell rang minutes ago' she said, grabbing his hand.

'It did?' 

* * *

 

Charlie kept Castiel distracted in all of their classes together, talking aimlessly about everything and anything, doing her best to avoid talking about Dean, when he was headed for English class, she grabbed his arm and said. 'It's gonna be okay' she must have noticed his nervousness. 

'Thanks, Charlie, for everything' he said gratefully 

Charlie grinned.

When Castiel entered the class, he didn't feel his eyes on him, something clawed at his stomach.

He sat next to April, again.

She smiled as soon as she saw him and began talking a mile a minute.

When Castiel looked at Dean's back, he flash backed to his dream that night.

He wondered if Dean still felt something about him. Not there was anything that could be done now.

Dean was done, the future, the sunlight streaming across his beautiful features, the warmth of his body next to Castiel's, the gentle kissing, it was all gone now. Maybe he could've had it, maybe. But not now, it was an unreachable fantasy. Something he could only dream about.

Castiel wondered if he would be able to move on.

 _I really love listening to you, I friggin'love the way you talk, how you move your hands when you are explaining something complex, and get this passionate look in your eyes and....okay I'll stop, but don't you ever think that I find your opinions useless'_    

Yeah, right.

He remembered that day in English class, how it Dean had used spent the whole time oogling at him instead of listening, he smiled at the memory of Dean flushing when Castiel had accused him of stalking.

It was all gone to drain now, Castiel thought bitterly.

Dean may have liked him and cared for him and maybe he still did but..he would get over it, he wasn't clingy and pathetic like Castiel. Dean would probably start dating someone else, Lisa, the cheerleader Captain, probably.

And it hurt, it hurt like hell, but maybe Dean was better off without him.

* * *

  
Somebody slammed him against a locker, for a crazy moment Castiel fantasized about it being Dean.  
'Alright, listen here you dick' The voice broke through his fantasies.

Jo looked furious, her face was red, and her pretty brown eyes were murderous. Her hair were pulled into a hasty ponytail as if she couldn't be bothered to make it more presentable.

The locker room was mostly empty, Castiel had a feeling that she would've done the same if they weren't.

'Jo' Castiel swallowed, he wondered if Jo kept a pocket knife, she wouldn't need it though, the look in her eyes suggested that she could literally tear his face off. 'Let me go' he managed.

Jo ignored his words. 'What the hell did you do, Novak?' she thundered.

'I didn't do anything'

'Oh yeah? that the reason Dean's been moping for days?'

Castiel shoved her off. 'It's non of your business' he said stiffly. He didn't think Dean was  _moping_ , if him and Lisa flirting quite obviously at lunch meant anything.

Jo grabbed his arm, her nails dug into his flesh painfully. 'Listen here, jackass, Dean's my brother, so damn right it's my business'

Castiel huffed in irritation, mostly to hide his anxiousness. 'What do you want?'

'Why did you end it?' she asked.

'Like I said, non of your business' Castiel shrugged off her hand.

'So?'

'Excuse me?'

'Yeah it's non of my business, so? I want to know and you're gonna tell me, or else' Jo leaned against the locker, crossing her arms.

'Or else what?' Castiel was getting irritated now, of course Jo would want to know, because the universe couldn't give Castiel a damn break.

'Or else I wont stop asking, and I can get persistent' Jo dictated.

Castiel realized there was probably no way out of this, Jo was stubborn.

Castiel opened his mouth to speak but Jo cut him off.

'And if you say, it's Cause he didn't treat you right, so help me, I would kill you. I've known Dean since we were five, he wouldn't do that to someone he wasn't serious about, and believe me he was that about you' Jo looks at Castiel accusingly, as if it's his fault that Dean likes him.

'I didn't-'

'You liked him, Cas, very much' Jo stated, no place for objection. How did  _she_  know? was he that obvious?

'How do you know?' Castiel asked because he is a stubborn ass.

Jo snorted. 'Puh-leez, as if you making googly eyes at him isn't enough indication, you are gone on him Cas, probably as much as he was gone on you' her tone changes, becoming less angry and more concerned, it accured to Castiel that she probably doesn't hate him yet, she's just worried about Dean, who is apparently moping because of Castiel while winking suggestively at Lisa Braedon at the same time.

Castiel sighed, not sure what he should tell her. He realized he didn't want to lie to her, despite her accusations, she was still a very smart and caring girl, she was just going this because of Dean.

Jo put her hand on his shoulder, looking at him in the eye. 'Cas, please tell me, I can't stand Dean acting like that' she said honestly, all fight draining out of her.

'It's-it's complicated, Jo'

'Tell me' she stated simply.

Castiel gulped, maybe Jo could help him, maybe she could tell Dean that he was sorry, that way something would be lifted off his chest.

'I-I meant to break up with him from the beginning'

Jo's eyes widened. 'Outside. Now'

* * *

 

Jo seemed torn between sympathy and anger.

'Look, I'm not saying what you did wasn't reasonable, but it was still a pretty bad decision, Cas' 

They were sitting in an outside Cafe not far from school, Jo insisted Castiel to skip, well more like threatened him, but oh well.

'I know, I just-' Castiel took a deep breath. 'I want you to inform Dean that I'm sorry and if you mention the reasons behind my actions, that would be very much appreciated' Castiel finished.

Jo choked on her strawberry milkshake. 'WHAT?!'

'What?' Castiel asked, confused.

'You're just gonna leave it? not try to work it out  or anything!?' she bellowed.

Castiel swallowed, debating whether or not to tell her about his failed attempt at  _trying to work it out._

'I tried, Jo, it didn't work' he said quietly, toying with the edge of the plaid table cloth.

Jo was silent for some time. 'Cas, Dean still loves you, and he's not going to get over it'

Castiel tried to object but Jo cut him off.  _Humphh_

'I know, it may seem like it, but trust me, a failed attempt at eye fucking Lisa Braedon isn't gonna make him forget what he shared with you, he's trying to get over you, but he can't Cas, he still believes what you did wasn't for shits and giggles, even though he wont admit it it, even to himself'. 

Castiel took all of that in. 'But...what do you I do?' he asked in a quite voice.

'Tell him the truth, he deserves that'

'But, he wont even talk to me' Castiel croaked.

Jo straightened up. 'I can apologize for you if that's what you want, but it's your call Cas, not mine,  _you_  need to fix this, and  _do_  fix it' she added some of her previous ferocity if those last words.

Jo dropped him to his house, the drive was quite but not awkward, even if it was, Castiel was too lost in thought to care.

Could he really give it another chance? maybe if he told Dean the truth, it would help?

His mind wandered back to all the text messages he had sent, Dean didn't reply. They ranged from I'm sorry to I didn't mean to hurt you, Castiel didn't tell Dean about Anna in any one of them. There weren't many to be honest, he had thought that telling Dean in person would be more helpful, than he had to ruin everything by  _kissing_  him. It hurt to think that Dean probably never read them, it hurt even think that he had, and not done anything.

The car pulled up to his house, as he getting out, Jo grabbed his arm. 'Go get 'em tiger' she smiled.

As the car pulled away, a plan began formulating in his mind.


	12. Chapter 12

 

It took him fifteen drafts, but he finally completed it.

He checked the paper again and again,  there were a lot of mistakes, it was complete shit but he couldn't write it any better when he tried so he assumed this one was perfect.

Anna had called him several times but he had dismissed her, so had Charlie. He had needed his full concentration, so he texted Charlie that he would tell her what was up tomorrow, he glanced at the clock, 9:00.  
He'll have to wait till tomorrow.

He sighed and stretched his muscles, looking at the paper one more time. He had explained the reason behind his actions and wrote a  crappy confession, that must seem pretty fucked but the letter sure wasn't. One of Castiels talents was bringing abstract things to life through painting and writing, the words were exactly what he felt, perfect, but he wasn't sure about whether what he felt was enough.

He wasn't insecure of the letter, he was insecure of himself.

What if even after reading the letter, Dean decided that him and Castiel were a lost cause?

He sighed, slumping in his chair. He was smart enough to not hope for Dean to come back to him. He only hoped that Dean would forgive him, and maybe, they could at least be on better terms than glaring and tensing up in each other's presence.

But he wanted so much more.

He read the paper again, it wasn't any good than last time but there was not a bit of dishonesty in it, so there was nothing to change.

He thought back to the dream he had had the other night, he wished he would dream like that all the time. Then he wouldn't want to stay awake, alas sleep rarely came to him now, when it did, it was haunted with nightmares.

A wave of sadness hit him.

He thought of all he had lost and could never get back, of all that could've been but wasn't.

But a small part of him hoped. Maybe, this could work. Maybe Dean would realize Castiel's honesty. Maybe he would still want him back. It was a hope Castel had been trying to extinguish for a long time, it refused to though, it stayed there, stubborn. 

Castiel allowed himself to fall to the bed, there was time.

* * *

 

Castiel wasn't at school today, and his friend, Charlie was eating Lunch with a scary girl  named, Dorothy.

Some part of Dean's registered that he shouldn't pay attention, the rest of his brain wasn't too keen to following that advice.

He wondered why had Castiel skipped, he didn't usually skip, was he sick?

What if it had something to do with Dean?

Dean didn't know whether it was hope or fear that made his heart race at the thought.

'Earth to Dean? Deeeaaannn?' Jo waved a hand in front of his face, he smacked it.

'M'fine Jo' He took a bite of his cheese burger(which was disgusting, thank you very much) and tried to act casual.

Jo pursed her lips but didn't  say anything and turned towards Benny again, Dean had known Jo enough to know that she wasn't saying something. But he didn't ask, he didn't care enough to ask.

That's another thing Castiel's absence had done to him, he felt distant and distracted and not really into what was happening, he tried to tell himself that he would eventually get over it but in his heart he knew better.

Dean sighed, wanting nothing more than to go home and sleep. Sleep was better, eccept when he was plagued with dreams about Cas.

_Cas._

Dean took a deep breath, not allowing himself to think about about him now, it would only serve as even more of a distraction, and then he might tear up.

Across the cafeteria, Lisa Braedon smiled at him flirtatiously over her vanilla milkshake, Dean didn't waste time in returning the favor.

Dean wanted to approach her, to ask her out but every time he decided to go for it, he just couldn't. Some of part of him knew that he would only be doing that to get over Cas, and Lisa didn't deserve that, she deserved someone better. Or at least someone who didn't didn't want to go out with her the sake of forgetting their ex.

She was a great girl, a bit too forward and all that, but underneath all that popular girl mask, she had a nice personality. She wasn't hard on the eyes either. She wore a tight pink top with even tighter jeans today, showing off her gorgeous figure. Her hair were in elaborate curls, she looked beautiful.

Or at least that's what Dean was trying to force himself to think about than blue eyes, messy hair and deep voice.

It didn't work.

The school day passed in a blur.

His friends said their goodbyes.

He knew they were worried about him, but also knew enough to not approach the topic of Castiel. They did their best to cheer him up and he appreciated that. But he just wanted to be left alone.

Alone with an empty mind.

***

'Hey Mom' Dean said as he made his way to his room, planning on an extremely long hot shower.

'Dean?' his mother called out.

Dean sighed, this was another Mother/son session. He loved his Mother to moon and back but he didn't want her try and sooth him, cause it wasn't working. He just wanted his family to forget that he was there for a while. 

'Yes?' he turned around.

'This came for you in the mail this morning' she handed him an envelop. A nerdy part of Dean bitterly wondered that why had Hogwarts bothered now, he was 16.

She looked like she was about to say something else but the phone had other ideas, so she pressed a quick kiss to his cheek and went back to the living room.

Dean went back to his room,curiosity seemed like an emotion out of the world and he liked the feel of it.

The letter didn't say who it was from, _maybe I can retake the classes at Hogwarts?_

He ripped it open and sat down on his bed.

He blanched as soon as he saw the handwriting.

The logical part of his brain considered throwing it away and forgetting about it like he had done with the text.

But his eyes fell on the second line.

_And please read it before throwing it away, please._

And that stopped him, he could almost hear Castiel's voice. The desperate one he's used in that bathroom.

He set to read again, his brain was telling him NO, but he couldn't bring himself too, his brain was quite useless when it came to matters concerning Cas.

_Dear Dean._

_Please read this before throwing it away. Please._

_You might be very compelled to throw this letter and I am not going to blame you, but it would ease my mind if you knew the reason behind my actions._

_I know what I did seemed illogical but the least I can do is give you an explanation._

_I did it because of Anna, when you rejected her, she was heartbroken and as a big brother yourself I expect you to understand what I felt. My dislike for you and my love for my sister compelled me to do what I did, Dean. I only felt a slight attraction to you(okay maybe not slight) but after the English class I had began to think that maybe you weren't as bad as I thought...then Anna came in at midnight, and after she told me that you had kissed her, and that she was going to approach you, I knew in my heart that she was making a mistake, she did it anyway. And instead of blaming her, I blamed you. I understand that my idea of revenge wasn't the best but it would prove to be effective. Then when we actually dated, something changed._

_Then in those few days we spent together, I realized that you were a completely different than what I had made you out to be._

_I was drawn to you Dean, you were the first person with whom I felt...important. You made me feel loved and adored in a way no one had before. You always cared for my opinion on things and listened to what I had to say even though there were far more important things. You made me laugh saying the most absurd things, blush by saying that my laugh was beautiful. You appreciated the little things in me even I had failed to notice._

_It wasn't only what you did for me what drew me in. It was you as a person. You were sweet and caring. You loved all your friends deeply even though you didn't show it but it was obvious. You had this smirk that drove me crazy, and you laughed while throwing you head back and put your body into it. It made me want to laugh along, it made everything feel better, you took everything lightly, and said words like they didn't mean much, you showed your love through actions._

_I was falling for you and denying it on every step. I told myself that it was lust that drew me to you and that physical intimation was all I desired._

_But it wasn't Dean, I wanted so much more than that, I wanted to talk and laugh with you and to have pointless arguments about classic rock, I wanted to curl up with you and read books even though I can barely pay attention with you pressed up against me, I wanted to try and teach you how to paint even though you were hopeless. It was overwhelming, the feelings._

_But then I thought of Anna, and how she would feel if she knew I was considering this, and that drove it away._

_And then that evening when we were about to engage in intercourse, then you stopped me, saying that you wanted this to work, I was overflowing with happiness and finally I admitted all my feelings._

_I was so convinced that intercourse was all you desired of me Dean, and it hurt to think that I wanted more than that, I didn't want to think that, I didn't want you to come in and ruin the picture I had of you that gave me courage to do this._

_And when you told me that there was a chance, there was a moment when I felt lighter than ever. But then it came crashing down._

_Anna._

_I love her more than almost anything, Dean. Our bond was the same as you and Sam, and I know that if the positions were reversed, you would've done the same._

_Then I shut you out, the biggest mistake of my life._

_I realized that soon after but didn't want to voice it, I tried to convince myself that I could move on, but I knew I couldn't._

_Then Anna came to me and told me that she wanted me to approach you, she voiced all my affection and feelings for you, making me realize how strong they were, she was very forgiving, and knew what made me happy. You. I decided on giving it a second chance._

_...And then I did. I planned on explaining all of this to you but in the moment of panic, I end messing everything up by kissing you. I was convinced that your feelings hadn't changed, well I was wrong._

_I lost all hope in that moment._

_And I don't blame you, Dean. It was me who messed up the best thing in his life, I know I will probably never get back what we had Dean, and I am trying accept that, I will sooner or later._

_I don't dare hope for your affection Dean, all I ask is forgiveness._

_Love, Castiel._

Dean felt all his world tumble upside down as he read those last words.

He read the letter again and again until he was finally able to grasp it, when he did he felt so many emotions all at once, but one thought was clearer than anything else.

What the hell was he waiting for?

* * *

 

'Yes, that's about it'

'Wow, Cas' Charlie said when he had told her about the letter, she put a hand on his shoulder.

Castiel rubbed his eyes, angered to find that they were still a bit wet.

Him and Charlie were sitting in the main hall in front of the TV, Star Trek played on the screen on low volume.

'Cas, he still loves you, you know that, right?' Charlie said.

'He did, he doesn't now, even if he does, I am sure he can rid himself of those emotions, unlike I' Castiel scooted closer to Charlie, itching for some kind of comfort, Charlie put her arm around his shoulders.

'You know, the whole letter thing, that was very brave of you, Cas, especially after...you know' Charlie said after a long silence.

'I just wish he forgives me, Charlie, I feel so guilty' Castiel admitted.

'You shouldn't, you did it for Anna, Cas, Dean will understand' Charlie rubbed soothing circles on his back.

'What if he doesn't even read it?' Castiel said, panic seizing him, what if Dean had thrown it away without thinking twice?

'He will, and if he doesn't you can always tell Jo to tell him'

That was right, he guessed, accept Castiel wanted Dean to hear it from him, not somebody else, he wanted Dean to know how much he regretted everything.

'Hey, you see the new episode of Game of Thrones yet?' Charlie said suddenly.

They watched Game of Thrones in peace after that.

Castiel tried to pay attention, he really did. But there was too much on his mind.

Maybe Dean would forgive him and they could be friends? or at least on good term maybe he will want Castiel back?

Castiel tried to squash the hope that welled inside him.

He couldn't let himself hope that right now, what if he gets his heart broken again? best to expect the worse.

The door bell rang.

'I'll get it' Castiel wondered who it could be at this time, Anna was at her friend's house ad Gabe wasn't due till late in the evening.

It was 5:00, maybe their Dad or Mike and Luce were paying a surprise visit?

He turned the knob and before he had time to register what the fuck was happening, he found himself wrapped up tightly in a pair of strong, familiar arms.

'Oh my God, I am so sorry Cas, I am so stupid, M' so so sorry, it's all my fault, I didn't mean to-fuck I am so stupid, I-' 

'Dean-Dean  it's-it's okay' Castiel patted Dean's back.

A wave of happiness and relief shot through him, it was so strong he had to fight to hold back tears of joy, but right now he just allowed himself to enjoy the feel of Dean's arms, it felt like years since he's last touched him and he wanted to relish every moment and not take it for granted.

Dean pulled back, hands resting on Castiel's shoulders. He looked up at him. His beautiful green eyes glistened with unshed tears, his face was sweaty and he was panting. 'I am sorry' he said meaningfully, his voice held overwhelming emotion Castiel didn't have the energy to comprehend.

'Did you- did you run here?' Castiel didn't bother hiding his astonishment.

Dean's cheeks reddened, 'I...uh I was in a hurry' he said sheepishly.

Castiel was filled with so much adoration, he couldn't help but close the distance between them, and joining their lips in a sweet kiss.

It wasn't chaste, neither was it heated. It was filled with fierce emotion and longing, both of them put their souls in it, they came up panting.

Dean took a deep breath, he looked wrecked. 'I-shit I'm so-'

'If you apologize once more Dean I am going to have to smack you across the forehead'.

Dean let out a breathy laugh and buried his face in Castiel's neck. 'I missed you' he mumbled.

'Me too' Castiel couldn't focus enough to tell Dean to come in, he was intoxicated by Dean's scent and the sense of familiarity.

'I missed you more' Dean nuzzled Castiel's neck.

'That's not possimhff-' Castiel droned out as Dean kissed him again chastely.

This time Dean took his time, exploring Castiel's mouth and taking his breath away in the process, Castiel tried to focus, tried to memorize every slip and slide, but he was way too light for that. Some part of his brain relished the fact that he had this now, he could do this whenever he liked, there was no hurry.

When Dean pulled away Castiel  had take a moment to remember how to properly breath.

They stayed their on the threshold, just gazing at each other.

Dean had bags under his eyes, but the green shone bright, he was grinning like the adorable idiot he was. His freckles stood out in the fading light of the sun and Castiel had the urge to kiss every one of them, he wanted to-

'Well, it's about time'

Someone cleared their throat, Castiel reluctantly pulled himself away from Dean to look at a beaming Charlie. She was leaning against the wall with a shit eating grin, but Castiel sensed real happiness behind her expression.

They broke apart, blushing furiously, Castiel wondered why charlie hadn't made them aware of her presence, was she enjoying the damn show?

Charlie's grin windened and she clapped her hands together. 'You too are so adorable, I would love to stay here and record the whole thing but I just remembered something I gotta do' she made her way towards the door.   
'Ummm...?' Charlie said looking at Dean.  
'Wha-oh,sorry' he took a side from the door. She leaned in and said. 'Use protection, Dean, I am not ready to be an aunt yet'  
'Charlie!' Castiel said, irritated and awkward.

'I'll see you later' she winked at Castiel and made her way towards her car.

'Well that wasn't as awkward as I expected' Dean said.

'C'mon' Castiel tugged at his hand, relishing the familiarity of the gesture, he begin leading him towards his bedroom.  
When Dean saw where Castiel was leading him, he smirked.'Aren't you gonna buy me a drink first?'

Castiel rolled his eyes and kissed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is the end i guess.  
> I'd like to apologize for the messed up updates that dont make sense since this was written ages ago, idk man.  
> Once again, I feel the need to remind you that constructive criticism is not welcome, since this is an old work and it's been posted here without any sort of editing.  
> Hope you enjoyed this, thanks for reading!


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